58

I have to be honest with myself, I have 58lbs to loose to get to a healthy weight range.

For along time I have been debilitated by the idea of losing weight, because I’ve mentally trapped myself in a relationship that is so far gone it’s been before everything fabulous I have now.

I have believed the words spoken over me, that the fear of gaining weight back was so debilitating that it became the driving force behind me spinning out of control with food.

It’s been the driving force behind all of the starting overs, behind the fads I’ve adhered to, the containers of ice cream inhaled. I’ve lived my life so out of fear, fears of someone else … out of pleasing other people … that I have NO idea (truthfully) how to do this for myself.

I came across ‘Made to Crave‘ and it feels right, it feels right for me right now. My blog isn’t going to become a food journal (i’ve done that), it’s not going to become a place where I talk about the four cookies I ate and how crap I feel (i’ve done that), it’s not going to be about how disappointed I am with the scale (i’ve done that). BUT I have to be honest with myself, I have weight to loose. MORE I have a life to create around this journey which is bigger than me, and yet totally encompassing me. It’s a relationship that I’ve so neglected and I’ve abused for so long.

So, I’m gonna spend the next 60 days, hopefully blogging each day, highlighting my way through the ‘Made to Crave’ Devotional. I’ll also probably talk about my daughter and about crossfit, because I went this week and I’m officially obsessed.

Goodbye to the shallow efforts, self-focus and suspicious fears that I’ll never find victory in this area of my life. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in distractions or destruction. Welcome deeper love for God and the realization I am made for more than this constant battle. Welcome my unsettled heart. ~Made to Crave

Mish xo