Scared of what I was becoming

Last night was the night it all came unglued. I think there was some denial about everything in my life. Being away, not having a partner, the fact that I’ve been binge eating. The fact that I am exhausted. That I am hurting a bit. After binging for the sixth time in nine days, I knew that I had to get a grip on myself. I called my mom in a total wreck and made the vow not to cope anymore with food. It’s a strong vow. But I have UTTER FAITH that I can do this.

I was so full from eating that I ended up being up until 2am. However I did a yoga class from yogadownload.com and it helped.

Yoga will be my saving grace.

This is MY 12 weeks. Not anyone else. Which means I have to rid myself of old habits. Endure and accept the fact that I am alone..for right now anyway. No more dependence upon things which do not bring me health and happiness. It’s not about cutting this or that, in regards to food, out of my life. It’s about using food properly..to nourish my body. Not to ‘fill’ empty emotions.

I am exhausted. This past 1 1/2 weeks has been exhausting for me. It’s not even about the break-up, the official this or that. It’s about dealing with food, and examining past behaviours of my childhood which caused the obesity to set in for the first place. Binging to the point of throwing up is not healthy.

Last night I got scared of what I could become. I called my mom, did some yoga, and am hopeful and DETERMINED to focus on what I know is important.

Finally opening up my mind and heart to embrace what is around me…letting people in…that is hard for me. Really though it’s about living my life to the fullest. That means healthy patterns of behaviour, healthy mind sets, and doing this which bring me peace.

This will be my last post, hopefully about binge eating for the next 10 1/2 weeks. That is my goal to myself.

I am strong…as they say the only person holding you back is YOU. No more.

I write these posts and honest reflections in the hope that through my blogging and examining of who I am, that I am able to help…just one person..overcome whatever they may be dealing with. AND/OR help someone understand the struggles of those around them. It’s not about asking for sympathy…it more about healing and helping. That’s my hope.

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