Call me a failed rolly-poley

I am exhausted.

I am a bit emotional, because I am exhausted.

I am a bit emotional, I am exhausted, and I wanted to shove my face with bread, covered in ice cream, topped with whipped cream and downed by a diet soda…yesterday.

I revolted.

Now I feel sick and bloated.

To say to someone, who 1. LOVES FOOD 2. LOVES TO BACK 3. LOVES TO EAT that you can’t eat: grains, dairy, sugar, gluten, some fresh fruit and veg–YOU HAVE TO BE OFF YOUR FACE.

Nope, that’s my reality. I may or may not have Crohn’s–although if I don’t have something–of which may never be diagnosed. However, when I was strictly eating protein and minimal amount of fruit–I felt amazing.

Yesterday I ate so much fruit, not enough protein, was in a ‘binge’ mentality and wanted to not follow the rules because ‘damn it I need __________’. Well, I ate cookies, chocolate, and some sugar candy.

Holy cow, I feel terrible.

This diet has nothing to do with ridding my body of cravings for things. This diet and well frankly LIFEstyle has everything to do with ridding my mental framework and coping mechanisms.

It’s hard. I have to actually accept the fact that this is what it is. To be frank with myself and to use other methods of wanting to emotionally eat to cope with this issues which arise. I am one stubborn girl, and finally I’ve met my match.

2 thoughts on “Call me a failed rolly-poley

  1. Esther says:

    The whole rollercoaster sounds awful! I’m so sorry you’re going through this & that the answers aren’t easily found. One of my best friends Karla has Crohn’s – she was finally diagnosed after a LOT of stress / tests … and has been able to manage it, although she hasn’t modified her diet nearly as drastically. My very limited understanding is that what helps can vary from person to person .. so I hope you find something you can live with to manage whatever it is that’s causing you pain / frustration!

  2. Teri Leavens says:

    Wow!!! Failed?!?!?! That is not the person I know. So you had a relapse for a night…that hasn’t meant you failed. You’re dealing with SO MUCH right now…don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, it wasn’t the best night, but, we all mess up…it just means getting back on track the next day. Hang in there…seriously, things will be okay…you’re one of the strongest people I know. You can beat this thing…

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