SO angry SO SO angry!

I should start off by saying that I have the most amazing family and friends.

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Yesterday was no different from any other day…but ‘it’ hit me. It hit me that I have this STUPID, ANNOYING, LIFE-ALTERING, INCONVENIENT, CUMBERSOME, LENGTHY, OVERWHELMING, MOTHER TRUCKING OF ALL ISSUES WITH MY GUT!

I haven’t had a breakdown about my stupid stomach in a long time, well it’s not actually my stomach it’s my intestine or at least that’s what the doctors ‘the almighty know-it-alls’ says. I am not sure what set my stomach off yesterday but man I wasn’t feeling hot at all. I think it’s either the new vitamin I was taking, but it stated it didn’t have anything naughty in it, or it was the ‘decaf’ coffee that I got–maybe it wasn’t decaf. must stick to tea. Either which way I felt like crap for the remainder of the day.

I came home and ate mashed cauliflower and pumpkin because that’s the only thing that I thought my stomach could handle and a fresh juice with these players.

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I had to go into the city to host a function for work w/ international and study abroad students. This is the sunset on the train platform.

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It went well, I think that everyone had a good buzz going on–it was a beer tasting.

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However, even on the train with a bloated stomach and feeling fat I just wanted to cry. That is exactly what I did when I got home. I called my mom and bawled. Yes, Yes I am 25 and called my mom bawling. She must love me..love the fact that she never knows what she’s going to get from a late-night Australian/early-morning America phone call. The things which I struggle with are:

  • Why me?
  • I want to be able to have a convenient lifestyle again
  • I didn’t eat anything that I shouldn’t have eaten last night and what is going on?
  • I feel like I would try anything to get this to rectify itself and everyone is telling me that medicine works
  • I need to find an electric yogurt maker and have been TOTALLY unsuccessful in this
  • I don’t like having to explain to people that I have this stupid thing when I go out for dinner…I can eat only about 2% of what’s on the menu–of which I have to modify. It look high maintenance…and I am not (most of the time).
  • I AM SICK OF NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING ON
  • I AM EXHAUSTED THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY ALL OF THE FUTURE TESTING IS GOING TO COST ME.

Like I’ve stated before, I have to harness the mentality that this is happening for a reason..otherwise more melt-downs well ensue. However, I am over it.

3 thoughts on “SO angry SO SO angry!

  1. christa says:

    sorry you have to go through all of this- and deal with the mental/emotinal crap that comes along. My older daughter has seizures…no one can tell us why. Apparently we just have to wait it out…
    I can understand your frustration with the “know-it-all-doctors” and not knowing what the future brings. Hang in there, you’re strong! 🙂

  2. Xenon says:

    Hi Mich… I feel like i should be telling you to hang in there, and that the solution is around the corner but – its either you have heard all that from your close friends & family or today is not the day. And I think its the latter. So now i have to say the truth – which is life isn’t fair, you’re allowed to get really mad & get even! Wake up tomorrow determined to fight again, because you just don’t give up. You fall, you hurt but you DON’T GIVE UP!

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