Ok, ok, ok…I caved and decided to go on another date with *Dan*. Like I stated last night I am honestly not very excited about going out on a date with him today. I am not too sure what it is about him..or maybe it’s me. There’s just nothing there between us.
Is there always an instant spark?
I have always felt this little pang in my stomach of OMG I want to spend or time with him or He’s trouble. Usually the ‘he’s trouble’ ends in blissful nights and mornings of OMG I can’t believe I did that..it was so much fun -or- I feel disgusting. Either way..trouble.
I don’t feel like I want to hang out with him or and I don’t feel like I want any of his trouble.
So, I have thought of 100 ways to get out of this date…let me state some for you:
- I feel really sick–which two days ago would have been a legit reason
- One of my students is pucking their guts out because they drank too much
- One of my students has been arrested and I have to go call home
- One of my students is in hospital needing their appendix taken out–which would have been true last weekend
- I am in hospital–which would have been true five months ago
- I am not feeling it–which is the true, but harsh.
The truth being:
- I don’t feel it
- He’s a nervous doormat and I want a confident cowboy–he’s a city suburbia kid who grew up in a multi-cultured LA highschool and ‘knew some asians’.
- I am enjoying being single and have zero desire to engage in anything that requires this much effort to avoid
- I am enjoying being single and am not exactly sure if I am 100% over my ex I called him yesterday because I wondered if NZ had any yogurt makers that I could use (my yogurt has been in an oven for 15 hours and it smells like vomit. I’ve moved it into a vat of hot water and covered it with tin foil hoping that I can keep a better temperature on it then my crappy oven.) After talking to him I remembered the good of how much of a help and support he is. He wasn’t phased by my crazy gut or my weird food ideas and was always available to help me. But then again he said that his biggest fear was that I’d gain all of the 100lbs I’ve lost, back..that’s when I told him it was over.
- I don’t want to have to fight for a relationship to work. It shouldn’t feel like work. Maybe I am a catty biotch and need to loosen up my expectations and just go with it. But I aint feeling like there’s much to go with.
- Maybe I need a cowboy like the PioneerWoman’s story…that made me realise that relationships and men to exist..I just need to move to Oklahoma.
So I am trying to stay positive. I feel crap because he wants to have lunch 1. I am not hungry 2. Going out is NOT fun for me. I suggested the zoo and he told me that ‘since it’s not an American zoo it probably wouldn’t be good’. WHATEVER. So, we’re headed to the museum of an exhibit I’ve already seen…but it’s cool.
God, I am sounding negative. Maybe I will tell him my dog ate my train ticket.