I am in LOVE with bread! I decided today that I don’t have Crohns…I’ve made that decision myself. Maybe it’s because I am craving craving carbs and I am tired of trying to neglect my body’s need for carbs. So I went and bought a gluten-free loaf of bread. It was 8.00..that’s a ridiculous amount of money to spend on bread..I know.
Tonight I had Turkey Vegetable Soup w/ 2 small slices of gluten free bread w/ 1 tsp of olive oil over the two with fresh cracked salt and pepper.
I have debated sharing this with you, but I feel like I’ve shared a lot with you … so I’ll share that I went to see a counselor/pysch today. My life isn’t hitting the skids…but I want to be content and at peace with my life. There’s a lot of thinking that goes on in my brain and frankly if it weren’t for blogging I am not too sure what I’d do without this outlet. I won’t go into the details, because they aren’t important.
However I had a realisation about food. I have spent the last eight years of my life looking at food not not what it tastes like or what is beautiful about it. However, I’ve looked at food as something that will either make me lose or gain weight. I rarely ever enjoy what I am eating..actually savour what I am having. Instead I usually hurl it into my mouth due to not having enough time and/or because I am binging. So today I ate things that I probably shouldn’t have eaten..but damn it I enjoyed them. Further, I haven’t binged today…nope didn’t do it.
I bought this gluten/dairy/sugar free little hazelnut cookie thing while walking around today and it was fabulous. I actually enjoyed it and didn’t end up leaving the experience wanting more…
I then came back to the office and my co-worker had a lemon tart brought to her by a French student. Hello the French are thin..and they eat like this..it’s cause they know how to enjoy and not indulge. I had about two little forkfuls.
I had the soup which I mentioned above and about 4 TB of ice cream and 1/2 a small piece of chocolate cake. I think that the ice cream is getting to me, however I didn’t binge like I normally would have. One thing that I’ve learned is that yo-yo dieting it about control and emotional release. I have to replace my emotional release needs with something else…something other than food.
Like the title of my blog…it’s an ‘eatingjourney’.