You have to LOVE YOU!

Yesterday was another day where I exhausted myself trying to silence the binge monster. I gave up around 9:45pm and made banana pancakes. I didn’t go and get the ice cream my binge monster wanted..but I engorged instead in pancakes. Removing myself from the situation..I know what I am doing is not ok. I just can’t seem to stop myself. The more I think about it..the more I think about life as in investment.

What do I choose to invest in?

I am investing a hell-of-a lot of time and effort into playing mind games with myself. The longest I’ve gone without a binge in recently history is 2 days..that’s sad. It’s because I sit and play mental games with myself. Two hours of trying to stop myself from walking down the street and getting ice cream. It’s not even about the ice cream it’s about the binger inside of me.

I did yoga last night, and I have forgotten how much I loved it. I haven’t done it in awhile. I went to bed full and frustrated. I woke up this morning pretty crap. I actually woke up in the middle of the night to night sweats. It was weird. I was totally drenched. I have to say that this morning I was pretty down. Then I read Caitlin’s blog and I felt refreshed.

My body isn’t my enemy and I have to learn to love it.

I did an SJC of my favourite this morning and made this delicious oatmeal. I was inspired by Polly who is always eating green oats…I added a bit more colour to mine 🙂

P1011365

I think that I am learning, re-learning, my whole entire body. I am learning to balance out my thoughts, my eating patterns, my hate towards myself sometimes. I was speaking with the counsellor yesterday and I told her that I am going to quit fighting life, meaning that I am not going to invest in things which don’t bring me joy. I needed to get this off my chest.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s