Eating is not about “being good”, its about feeling good
My clothes..the ones which are not sticking to my body, or having fat rolls hanging over them at the top…are sticking to my body and having fat rolls over the top.
After a late night blah baking blah binge blah…I tried some pants on that I almost got rid of last October because they were too big. Now I can hardly button them up.
The whole ‘you need to crash diet and run run run’…popped into my head full force. However, I didn’t want to give into the whole ‘I promise tomorrow that I’ll be this or that’. I am not making any more promise to myself..except that I am going to be ME. Because I know what that feels like and it’s good..really damn good.
I have started the 79days as a way to honestly focus on mentally letting go of all the crap, hurt, b-shit that has been running through my head for eight years. Eight years of counting points, not feeling beautiful, hiding my real self, constantly being worried about what I looked liked, being consumed with reaching someone else’s standards.
Then I went to Timor. Shed it all…and enjoyed every single EVERY SINGLE morsel of fried bread..and lost weight, cms and lost the consumed with my body Michelle.
Then I touched down in Australia..or anywhere else for that matter and BAM right back into old habits.
Well…just for a couple of days.
So…I told myself last night. This isn’t about weight goals, or running this or lifting that. It’s about truly listening to the person that I found/re-discovered in Timor. The strong, vivacious, honest, intouch Michelle. It’s not even the Real v. False. It’s Michelle. It’s Me. It’s Me and I am here.
To the old Michelle, thank you.
To the new Michelle, thank god I found you…again.