Can I just tell you that today was completely a different day then yesterday. This is how I felt yesterday.
I pushed through today and went to church. I wrote earlier today that I was REALLY worried about going because I honestly haven’t had very good experiences at Church before.
However, this was SO different.
I walked into the Church and was greeted by people who I felt that I could identify with. It was so nice to people with Ervina, because I felt like I had a comfort zone about me that helped me to branch out.
Again, I would like to share this story about the sermon today…not as a Bible thumping revelation. Rather, as a granule of thought for those who do/don’t/maybe believe in something.
The pastor said today ‘God accepts and loves you just as the way you are. You don’t need to worry about anything. His love for you, as you are is pure, 100%. Don’t worry about being perfect, you are loved.’
I thought to myself ‘Michelle, apply this to your life. Loving yourself is what you need to do. No matter where you are, with this understanding of love, you will open your heart and everything that you’ve been so desperately wanting will come to you.’
I actually wanted to sit down and bawl. Bawl my eyes out. I have sometime, God/High Power/Friend/Family/World who see me as this beautiful, willing, capable, loving person—AND all I see sometimes is a ‘fat/unlovable/binge filled/unorganised/closed off person’.
NOT ANYMORE. NOT ANYMORE. NOT ANYMORE.
Wherever your strength comes from, I hope that you find the love—pure, overwhelming kind where you want to sit down and sob in the middle of the street because you’re overwhelmed with who you are, who are you becoming and the love around you.
After Church we sat at the cafe..yeah a cafe at church that serves amazing coffees. Then TEAM AMERICA got together and went to Old Shanghi for lunch (Remember the astronaut Date? Yeah, the same food)
Julie and Erik!
Well, I decided to invited them over for dinner. 🙂 Cause I like to feed people.
Mashed sweet potato w/ rice milk, rosemary, S&P, vegan butter, onion, garlic–didn’t get a picture. dang it. look for leftover pics though!
Then while the darn chicken as cooking a blew the fuse. It happens sometimes..it’s SO annoying! Anyways, ended up having to pan fry the chicken…grr. I was going to make Baked Apples, however, that wasn’t going to work because the oven wasn’t cooperating.
So I put the apples in a frying pan w/ about 1 ½ inches of water. Stuffed w/ 1 ½ tsp. of vegan spread, 2 tsp. raisins, 1 tsp. sugar and sprinkle of cloves/nutmeg. Medium simmer for about 15 minutes.
Serve alone or w/ ice cream/whipped cream.
I then was sitting and all of the sudden this French man comes up to my window carrying food for me.
Well yesterday I was this French guy on the street..it happens at lot here cause there are TONS of backpackers..it’s coming into Summer. 🙂 Anyways he wanted to know if there was any place to buy fruits/vegetables. I told him no, that everything had closed. So I gave him ½ a doz of my eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, green onions and avocado.
He told me, last night, that he’d stop by around 8pm tonight with food. He did!
(more about this picture tomorrow)
The final, self-timed, picture of the dinner crew!
My day has been amazing. I have opened up my heart a bit.
Most importantly, I am decided to love myself.
Love myself enough to not binge tonight once everyone left.
Loved myself enough to find time to workout today.
Loved myself enough to not stuff my face at dinner tonight.
Love myself enough…to let complete strangers in.
How do you love yourself?