Wanted: A Man!

I have to write this post. I have to admit where I am.

This isn’t something that I really want to admit to. I am feeling desperate for a man in my life. It’s annoying, depressing, and very real.

It had been almost 1 year since I ended my first and only relationship (I was 25). It has been about three months since I have actually been emotionally free from the break-up. (it took me a long time).

I have been on dates–EPIC fails, good guys..never beyond the second date. The ones I like, never call back.

It’s disgusting..every TIME I meet a man this is what I do:

  • Is there a wedding ring?
  • Is he tall enough?
  • I wonder if he’s single?
  • Wonder if he has kids?
  • Do I look ‘fat’ today?
  • Hopefully I don’t screw this conversation up

It’s this constant CONSTANT mental talk that goes on in my mind.

No matter how many exposed posts I do, how much I talk about overcoming my battlesthere’s part of me that still thinks that I am ‘not good enough’ for a man. (writing that makes me sick).

I have to get it out into the world. I constantly am thinking about ‘meeting’ the right one. When? Where? How?
Maybe here, maybe there….

This isn’t easy to admit. I don’t want anyone to think that I am stronger than I am..I am just me. Admitting that I am feeling a bit down, a bit discouraged, a bit hope-drained.

Have you ever felt this way?

~M

33 thoughts on “Wanted: A Man!

  1. Miz says:

    Oh SISTER I think we have all felt this way in one fashion.
    And totally part of why, even though im kinda shocked some days at the wrinkled face grinning back at me in the mirror, I LOVE BEING 40.

    I no longer see myself through the eyes of anyone else (from potential mates to friends to mass media) BUT MY OWN.

    and finally, at 40, those own are pretty damn benign.

    For me it was 100% becoming enough FOR MYSELF before I could believe I was “enough” for anyone elses affection.
    It took time for me to get comfortable in my own skin (so much so I married late and only after I found someone “worth” 🙂 giving up being alone for!) and work but I got there and you will too.

    I know I yammer (but its because I love :)) but it is this:

    what I wish for my daughter.
    what I wish for you.
    why I blog.

  2. Sarah (from See Sarah Eat) says:

    My best friend is fighting this same battle. She is 29 and has been on a string of dates with guys who are just jerks and the good ones don’t stick around very long either. She’s really depressed and thinks a partner is the only thing that will fill the emptiness in her life.

    I will tell you what I tell her all the time: you have got to keep loving yourself and truly believe that you are enough. And that you ARE good enough for someone else but okay with out them too. Also, God loves you unconditionally, just the way you are. Take care!

  3. gemfit says:

    Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. For a long, long time I was where you are and we’ve all been there. Until I met the Boy in April, I was there. And when I met him, I was finally comfortable with being single, even though I wanted desperately to meet The One, but I was not actively being desperate, you know? And 5 weeks later we were engaged, 6 months later I moved across the world and here we are.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are a wonderful, strong, amazing person and you WILL meet that guy out there. But you’ll have to get out there to meet him and believe that you’re worth it because girlfriend, we all are. I was so determined not to settle for SOMEONE who wasn’t The One that I was single for a long, long time. I kissed a lot of frogs, I entertained my friends with a lot of dating stories (especially the one where my date told me he was 1/8 Jesus reincarnated. I couldn’t make this up!). You’ll meet your guy too. Just have fun with it while you’re looking 🙂

    (Sorry for the ramble … email me/DM me if you need a friendly ear)

    • Mish says:

      I had a guy ask me if ‘them aborigiones up north, still wear them ‘g-string’ thingys’. Then he proceeded to split the bill down the middle to the cent.

      • gemfit says:

        Oh lordy lord.
        I’ve had the cheap dates. I had one guy who wouldn’t leave ANYTHING for a tip and I’m talking not even 10 cents. He would fuss over every cent and talk about how ‘they’ were all out to rob him. They being anyone that wasn’t him.

    • fitlizzio says:

      haha!! 1/8th jesus. maybe he was telling the truth?! hahaha that’s a good date story. you really CAN’T make that up.

      • gemfit says:

        I forgot to mention that he was supposedly also psychic. Although he should have seen my reaction coming then …

  4. fitlizzio says:

    mish i’m single too..and i get the same way. it took me a long time to get over my ex, and it’s really hard for me to find someone that i truly like. don’t settle for the next guy that you kinda like who happens to like you. Just BE yourself. I found that when i was 100% me, and did my best to not care, the type of guys that i LIKE found me.

    best of luck and hang in there!!!

    • Mish says:

      That is so true. I sometimes don’t trust myself to be myself..if that makes sense. I went out tonight, after I wrote this, and said ‘just be yourself Michelle’ and it helped… alot. SO thank you!

  5. Caitlin says:

    Oh Michelle. I feel this way all the time. Especially after my divorce – being cheated on and left and basically all the subliminal messages that said you’re not good enough, pretty enough, worth the fight… Those messages really, really got to me. Sometimes I hate who I’ve become – the self-doubt that I don’t even realize I’m exuding until my girl friends tell me. It’s so not who I used to be, and if I regret anything about my divorce it’s that. That I gave that old girl away in the process. Even now, as I know that I’m not truly ready for a new relationship – I have to mentally coach myself through that each day. Because I hate being alone. I miss being a “together.” But you can’t ever be truly happy in a relationship until you can stand on your own two feet and feel completley satisfied with BEING. Not DOING. Nuggets of gold from my hippie therapist. 🙂 I feel you, sister. You’re not alone. Even better, at least you are concious of your “need” and realize it’s not exactly healthy. So, just repeat to yourself that you ARE worth it. Slowly but surely you’ll start to believe it. And someday, out of the blue, you’ll realize you don’t need a man. You’d just like to have one around. And there he’ll be. Love you!

  6. Miz says:

    yes yes yes:

    just BE yourself. I found that when i was 100% me, and did my best to not care, the type of guys that i LIKE found me.

    and, IMO, you are pretty much there Mich.

    its coming.

  7. Katie says:

    My ED is starting to rear it’s ugly head again lately. Que sera sera I just keep repeating that.

    What does that have to do with your question?

    I’m almost 20 years old never been asked out, nothing. Trust me that is a bigger blow to the ego then the fact your still single. I don’t mind the single (trust me I don’t), but it’s the fact I have zilch interest in me. I guess it’s the back off look I have on my face *shrugs* or the fact that guys suck and truly only want one thing 😉 LOL

    I REFUSE though to enter a relationship until I am completely, 100%, happy and whole. It’s not fair to anyone.

    Keep your chin up sister in single, find something else to make your life rich and full. For me it’s work and training for my first full marathon. I need to do something to make me feel validated and like I’m enough for me. For me I need to feel strength and the marathon is a true testament of that!

  8. missyrayn says:

    Michelle I totally felt like this before meeting Hunni. I had dated a string of guys that didn’t really go anywhere. I felt like I was going to have to settle for any guy to even be in a relationship let alone get married.

    Then God quieted my heart and told me to see after him so I would be ready for the man he had for me. I spent time just focusing on my true love relationship with God and read a book that the title escapes me but has something to do with…oh The Sacred Romance. When I was confident that I was loved by God and it didn’t matter what man God sent me He sent me Hunni and I was so happy.

    You are a wonderful woman and God has the right man for you in store when you are ready for it. And it stinks but he will send you him.

  9. kbwood says:

    I really honestly was ALWAYS searching for a boyfriend..and one day i was finally like “okay God, its ALL up to you, i completely surrender it” and i stopped looking…then about 3 weeks after that John (my current boyfriend of 2 yrs) asked me on a date! i was hestitant because for the first time i was soo content being single!! but thats exactly where you need to be when you start a relationship..it was so cool!

    God has someone PERFECT for you in store..just keep doing yo thang and he will come along 🙂

  10. Marlena says:

    I don’t think I can say anything different than what has already been said. BUT…from my *personal* experience I found a man who loves me for ME. ME!! We just celebrated our 9 year anniversary in Nov & it’s been the best 9 outta 31 years of my LIFE!!! And the best part? He married me when I weighed near my highest weight–235. Yup! And his love hasn’t decreased with my decreased weight. You know the saying, “Thru thick & thin”? Literally. (Check out my website for my wedding pic w/ my parents and current pics.)

    You’ll find him. And when you do, he’ll love you for you. Mish. Not because of what the scale says or what size your shirt tag says or how many marathons you complete. He’ll love you because you’re you. And there’s no other Mish out there just like you. You’re the one he wants; that’s it.

    • Mish says:

      “Not because of what the scale says or what size your shirt tag says or how many marathons you complete. He’ll love you because you’re you. And there’s no other Mish out there just like you. You’re the one he wants; that’s it.”–This brought me to tears. Thank you.

  11. Mary says:

    I totally know how you feel. I did allthose things. And then a few months ago I wrote a post a lot like this one, exposing the same feelings you are talking about. That post led to the greatest relationship I’ve ever had. So I guess you never know when something will happen. I know you are amazing and eventually the right guy will come along and realize this too.

  12. modernation says:

    Mish – I think this is totally normal. When you get to a certain age, friends are getting married and having kids and you can’t help but feel pressure. I am a true believer in the idea that it will happen when you aren’t looking. Also you have to be happy alone to be happy with someone else. I know both of these are easier said than done, but when I came to the realization that I truly would be okay never getting married, I immediately found the man of my dreams. While I wasn’t saying I never WANTED to get married, I was happy enough with myself to know that I would be okay if it never happened. Just remember that the best things in life are worth waiting for and just keep being yourself.

    • Mish says:

      I think that I am finally getting there. Isn’t it true, sometimes, you go ‘I am happy being single’ but in the back of your mind..you’re like ‘I am happy being single..now I am waiting for him’. Instead of just being HAPPY. I think that I am getting there. Getting to a point where if it doesn’t happen for 1,5,10, 25 years..I just want to live a happy and healthy life.

  13. BroccoliHut says:

    I can definitely identify with this post–I’ve spent the last 21 years as a singleton:) After a few years of frustration, I just decided to go with the flow and let things happen as they may. You are such a wonderful person that I am sure someone will notice your charm soon!

  14. All Women Stalker says:

    Are you feeling a sense of urgency to find a man because of your age? Or is it something emotional? I hope you don’t stress too much. Put it out of your mind as much as you can. I know you crave for some kind of connection or love or something. I swear, it’ll come. In whatever form.

    I used to feel the same way as you do. However, I resigned myself to not caring and to just enjoy the friendships I form. And when I let my soul accept those things, I found a really great man! Nothing perfect, but one who doesn’t care about my weight and my issues. He’s just there being himself, loving me.

  15. Paula says:

    OK, this post caught my eye! 😉 I am single (never married) and turning 40 in less than a month. I SO know what you are feeling. Actually since losing the weight (and really all about feeling so much better about myself) I worry about this less…even at my age. I am trusting myself..trying to better myself…blah, blah, blah…you know the story. BUT I still do miss not having a someone special in my life. It will happen for you. Keep being sweet you. 🙂

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