Relationship Meltdown

I had a HARD talk with my partner today. I told them that the relationship that we have JUST ISN’T working.

We aren’t communicating
We aren’t satisfying each others needs
We aren’t listening to each other

There were tears
There were moments of complete meltdown

I wanted to give up
I have to be real ‘this relationship is just TOO HARD!’

FOOD.

‘Food’ I said ‘I HATE YOU!’

From dieting to bingeing to starving to feeling obligated to eat. I hate it. I can’t control myself. I can’t balance myself out. I am a stand-offish biotch somedays and an over-indulgent, moody, insecure partner other days.

I stood with my head resting on the wall, tears streaming down my face, my back to the pantry.
‘I don’t know what to do! But I CAN’T keep going like this anymore. I just want to feel this relationship. I want to feel me.’

I stood. I evaluated my options.
1. Stay the same and push through
2. Abandon ship and go totally off the rails
3. Stop. Admit where I am. Re-group. Learn Me. Learn Food

I choose option 3. My relationship with me…yes me…needs a lot of work. My relationship with food will come.

I had my first ‘seven year itch’ with food. I didn’t leave. I didn’t want to become another statistic.

What role does food play in your life?

~M

sorry for all of the intense posts lately… more light hearted commentary to follow.

23 thoughts on “Relationship Meltdown

  1. amandapanda1981 says:

    I will do the whole binge eating thing on the weekend and then during the week I eat minimal calories and exessively exercise. It is a vicious cycle and some how my body helps me maintain my weight. I hate it! I hope someday I can learn how to have a healthy relationship with food and eat it because I need to fuel my body. It is like it always all or nothing with me!

  2. missyrayn says:

    Food still has that stress relief factor for me which means I’ve been turning to it more these last few weeks. I’m trying to balance it but it is hard with stress and not being able to hit the gym. Hopefully today is better.

  3. Christie @ Honoring Health says:

    What a great post. Over the years, my relationship with food has really changed but it still isn’t where I want it to be. I still depend on food as comfort more often than I would like and I still have days that the thoughts of dieting and losing weight take over. The only thing to do is keep going, keep learning and growing and working towards the behaviors I want to have. I have to completely love and accept myself before that can happen so I try to remind myself that it really isn’t about the food at all and the food is just a symptom of further work to be done.

  4. Reluctant Blogger says:

    I thought there was something you weren’t telling me when I read the first line there. I frowned and thought you had been keeping secrets about some bloke you were seeing.

    Yes, food is so hard to deal with. It’s harder than a real partner because as someone else said you can’t not eat at all.

    I think it is probably always going to be an issue for you, and for loads of the rest of us, but whilst we are here, reading, writing and focused I think we can handle it. I have the same problem with alcohol really. i’m not an alcoholic but I turn to it too easily and it is a constant battle with myself not to drink, or to drink for this reason and not that. oh you know how it is.

    You’re amazing Michelle.

  5. megzzwinsatlife says:

    I completely understand what you are going through.. I think we all do.. or we wouldn’t all be friends.. It is really tough so overcome so many issues and I know even when you do overcome them people still struggle.. I struggle daily with food..

    Keep your head up girl.. It takes time!

  6. Alana says:

    Mish you hit that nail on the head!! I’ve been struggling with weight most my life. Jan 2008 i started on my journey-looking for that 100 lb loss. Then i hit the “plateau” and have stayed there for over 6 mths. I got discouraged and began slipping, found out i’m anemic-which explains alot, but also adds to the list of excuses.
    I find your posts to be very real, insightful and inspirational. Thank you

  7. allisonleigh says:

    First- this blog is your journal, so never feel like you have to apologize for the ‘intense posts’. This is life, and its hard. But would it be fun if it was all sparkly answers in a big bedazzled bucket? No.
    I had the same issues Mish. As soon as I stopped counting points, calories, etc. I began to gain. It was scary, but I was trying to eat intuitively and not look at anything as bad. I just kept pushing. Now I am at a spot where I eat as best I can 80 percent of the time. I slip a lot, but not everyday. You Transform Me post stood out to me so much I had to join you. I think I finally am committed to myself. I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, 100 PERCENT believe you are committed to you too. And don’t, for one second, think you are a failure in any way because other bloggers seem perfect. They have their perfect breakfast, their perfect workout, their perfect husbands, etc etc. You are much different. In my opinion, more relatable. Take that all with a grain of salt.
    In the end, food is fuel. That’s it. Some food is fun, and you should enjoy it, but if you look at it as fuel, I can guarantee you won’t overeat, binge, etc. And if you do- no big deal.
    I should mention that I am not perfect either. I still have those days when instead of 80/20, Im more 50/50 :)…
    You know you have to eat. Just stop at each meal, figure out what you are really craving. Make a little, stop, drink some water, and then maybe have some more until you are full. Finish up the day with a small treat.
    YOU GOT THIS ONE!!!!!! ( and don’t forget, you LOST ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!)
    I heart you woman!!
    (sorry that was soooo long)

    • Mish says:

      I feel in my heart that I wont abandon this Transformation…not at all. Thank you for reminding me I don’t have to be 100% all the time.

  8. christy says:

    You will never be perfect.

    Expecting perfection from yourself might doom you to failure, in the long run. My solution is to beg a bodybugg from multiple people from Christmas — with the idea that if everyone chips in a little, it will become more affordable. The idea there is that eating and exercising is like balancing your dietary checkbook and nutritional “credit accounts.” It’s not all about choices made during a single day or a single week, but over time. If you overspend/overeat one week, you make adjustments the next. You log your food, and the bugg logs your exercise.

    That approach makes a lot of sense to me.

    Of course, you don’t have to have a bugg to do it.

    I don’t know you very well, of course, but a piece of general advice I can offer is this: dig out those emotional issues that led you to overeat in the first place. Air them out, either here or with a counselor. It will take time for your brain to catch up with the reality of the new, healthier you. In the meantime, what stressors or triggers lead you to overeat or to eat the wrong foods?

    Be blessed!

  9. All Women Stalker says:

    Most of the time, food is still a comforter for me. It’s something that makes me feel better. But slowly, I’m transforming it into something that gives me energy and nourishment.

    -Denise

  10. Shannon says:

    This is a touchy subject for me. Food and I battle on a regular basis. I love and I mean LOVE the times when we can have a healthy relationship and food is nourishment rather than a comfort to fill a void.
    I remind myself daily that it is ok to eat. It does not have to be a battle.
    Nourishment I like that word.

  11. KatieP says:

    Hi Michelle

    I’ve been in the same relationship with food and with Jim (gym) and I’ve broken up with both of them.

    I don’t think you need an emotional relationship with food at all. You don’t have a relationship with the air you breathe, the blood in your veins or the blanket that keeps you warm on a cold night ~ they all just ensure you stay alive. [maybe I do love my blanket …]

    Our bodies are magnificent beings who, when left to their own devices, know exactly what they need. It is hard to let go of the need to control them because we fear that we will sit on the couch and eat junk food all day.

    The thing we need to foster is an unconditional love of our physical beings, and a trust that they don’t need any help from our conditioned ideas about good/bad/too much food.

    It is not easy to get there, but once you let go there is a path that is filled with healthy eating because you’re hungry [and you prefer it] and exercising because you can’t sit still. Feeling good and taking great care of yourself is the secret.

    Love always ♥

    • Mish says:

      I love that ‘Jim’…great. I think it’s true about ‘if I listen to my body then I’ll just want lollies’. Instead, what happens is your body starts craving good things. That’s just the sabatoging binge monster speaking…it’s last ‘hail mary’ before it would be extingushed by healthy living. Thank you for this reminder. It’s so true.

  12. Nicole says:

    When I first started reading your post, I was like hey, I thought she needed a man a few posts ago, and now she’s in a relationship. That’s fast! haha

    Anyway, I know how you feel. I had that same relationship during college when I was really not so nice to my body including a bout with diet pills when I was skinny already. I have learned that you can’t go back in time to fix your last meal so stop feeling guilty about it and stop trying to compensate for it by starving yourself into your next binge. Make your next meal a healthy fulfilling meal. That is all you can do. THAT IS IT.

    Thanks for your honesty!

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