I had a HARD talk with my partner today. I told them that the relationship that we have JUST ISN’T working.
We aren’t communicating
We aren’t satisfying each others needs
We aren’t listening to each other
There were tears
There were moments of complete meltdown
I wanted to give up
I have to be real ‘this relationship is just TOO HARD!’
‘Food’ I said ‘I HATE YOU!’
From dieting to bingeing to starving to feeling obligated to eat. I hate it. I can’t control myself. I can’t balance myself out. I am a stand-offish biotch somedays and an over-indulgent, moody, insecure partner other days.
I stood with my head resting on the wall, tears streaming down my face, my back to the pantry.
‘I don’t know what to do! But I CAN’T keep going like this anymore. I just want to feel this relationship. I want to feel me.’
I stood. I evaluated my options.
1. Stay the same and push through
2. Abandon ship and go totally off the rails
3. Stop. Admit where I am. Re-group. Learn Me. Learn Food
I choose option 3. My relationship with me…yes me…needs a lot of work. My relationship with food will come.
I had my first ‘seven year itch’ with food. I didn’t leave. I didn’t want to become another statistic.
What role does food play in your life?