38 thoughts on “Week 7 TM: A Meltdown

  1. gemfit says:

    None of us are perfect. We are human. We get scared of failure, of illness.

    Every moment is a chance to start again and make the best choices for yourself. You can do this because you will feel so much better when you do. And when you feel better, you’ll know why you’re doing it.

    It is like losing weight or getting fit – you can talk about it until the cows come home but until you’re READY, it’s too much to think about. You are ready now.

    And give yourself a hug, will ya? I would but the distance is a pain!

  2. All Women Stalker says:

    All I can offer is support in spirit. I’m struggling with endometriosis and I know how hard it is to give up so many things because they make you sicker. Actually, I haven’t been able to give up anything. I’m speeding up my own sickness. I hope you get through it. I’m here supporting you in spirit. Take care Mish.

    • Mish says:

      It’s hard when you realise in your mind that what you/I have is something that potentially has a life-long affect. The thing I realised is that I can choose to shorten and/or make my quality of life go down by indulging in things…or cut back and hopefully increase both.

      It’s not easy.

  3. MrsFatass says:

    I just love you AND your yeastballs. Your eyes just get me right in my soul. I am so thankful we’ve ‘met.’ And you can do this. You can. You said it – your body hasn’t ever given up on you, and I believe you will do your best to care for your body. So exciting.

  4. missyrayn says:

    Mish you have me crying. I feel the same way about the sugar and diet coke and stuff that I eat that isn’t so good for my insides.

    But I’m reading a book by Henry Blackaby called How People Grow and the chapter I just started says that admitting you have a problem and turning to others instead of turning inward is key. You should really read the book because it connects your spiritual life with our physical life.

    Blessings!

  5. jessicaconte says:

    Oh friend. Your honesty and openness is amazing. One of my current goals is to be more open to people I love and care about. You teach me so much and I am so inspired by you. Thanks for being so you and sharing yourself so openly.

  6. Ali says:

    Mish, I watched your video earlier today via Twitter. Wow, I did get teary eyed listening to you.

    I had candida issues about 10 years ago that I rid myself of using The Body Ecology Diet by Donna Gates. It was the hardest thing in my life that I ever did. The cravings were so intense that I did give in to them in the beginning – for sugar, bread, and cheese. But once the die-off occurred I felt better. The diet changed my life and taught me how to incorporate cultured foods into my daily diet.

    I don’t have yeast issues anymore and can eat whatever I want. Although I am gluten-free I do eat sugar on occasion without any side affects or cravings for more. This is my story though and I know everyone’s body reacts a little differently.

    Sending you healing vibes from the states….-Ali 🙂

    • Mish says:

      you are a blessing. I am SO thankful that we crossed paths. I look forward to following you, learning from your experience..and hopefully learning heaps from you. Thanks again

  7. Reluctant Blogger says:

    Oh boy, I can’t cope with seeing you on the video – being so you and so sad. It’s too much. The internet is great but it’s not enough is it? If it were really great it would let me be there and give you a hug.

    I have no idea how you stick to that. Like you, I would struggle, it would be a constant battle. It’s easier if the bad stuff makes you instantly throw up – cos then you get immediate cause and effect.

    I did give up smoking – which is similar I suppose – and it was hard. But it had to be black and white – no smoking at all, however much I wanted to. But I think that is different as smoking will kill us, whereas Candida makes you ill and there is a world of difference.

    I am on my 16th day of no alcohol at all – but I don’t think I could do that FOREVER. Try being absolutely strict for 31 days like I am with the booze and then maybe at the end of that you will have felt so good that the next 31 days will be easier and so on. I find I can only set short term target – not forever ones.

    I so miss you Michelle. Seeing you on the video is like sitting opposite you in the cafe again.

    Sigh.

    • Mish says:

      I miss you to. Spilt milkshakes and all. Thank you for your comment. I think it’s important to do things in all of our lives which challenge, but increase our livelihood…which is hard sometimes

  8. Miz says:

    lord you KNOW I could ramble for ages but the bottomBOTTOM line for me is that finally, at 40, I can step back and view the disappointments (been there sister with the self-inflicted) as part of my path.

    An experience on my journey that I need to have in order to create my life and become whom Im meant to be.

  9. Yum Yucky says:

    YOU, my dear, are amazing. Brave, strong, courageous. And don’t you DARE disagree with me (or I’ll growl at you)!

    we mess up, we learn from the lesson, we get stronger. this is how He develops us. You are learning, growing, developing, finding yourself. It’s all part of the process. And I truly love who you are. right now.

    xoxo,
    Josie

  10. beautifuldancer says:

    First of all:
    Mish, you are amazing and wonderful and so strong to be so honest about how you’re doing. Nobody is perfect and I for one don’t expect you to have a perfect life/be happy all the time. It’s OKAY to have a meltdown sometimes. You need to get it all out! Sometimes it takes things “falling apart” to land back in the right place.

    Secondly, I somehow feel like I can relate to blaming and shaming myself about my own situation. I had Cushing’s Disease and gained a ton of weight because of it but somehow didn’t notice until it completely changed me. For the longest time I blamed MYSELF for something far out of my control and it took me sooo long to stop blaming myself (or at least come to the point that I’m at TODAY where I can blame myself at least 99% less than I used to).

    And about the giving up sugar thing: I hardly know ANYONE who could give up sugar voluntarily much less for the sake of their health. For even ATTEMPTING to cut out sugar (and all the other staples of the Standard American Diet) is an amazing effort in itself because (as you probably know), restaurants don’t make it easy to eat healthy.

    There is actually lots of science behind the fact that sugar is HIGHLY addictive and paired with salts and fats, it’s even worse. It IS like an addict getting a hit of a drug and what makes it worse is that you can’t just “quit food cold turkey”!

    Please please know that what you are going through is inspiring people with illnesses and people that are healthy and that you are NOT A FAILURE for giving in to foods that we all give in to and you are NOT weak because something that you have NO CONTROL OVER has now dictated what you can and cannot eat.

    I love you. God loves you. Your readers and followers love you. And deep down inside I don’t think that this is an issue of you not loving yourself enough to stop eating foods that hurt you. Your actions demonstrate that you love yourself enough to TRY to change but are (like most people) scared of failure.

    We all get a little lost and confused and feel helpless but you are soooo far down the path to finding your peace in life that even I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for you.

    ~Chanelle<3

  11. Nicole @ Geek Turned Athlete says:

    Oh honey, when I watched this last night, I cried. You have an inner struggle going on inside of you that is reeking havoc on your body. You have come a long way, and just remember how strong you really are! Our minds are the one’s that screw us over some times! You need to be the one in charge, and not let your mind wander. If you ever need anything, I think the time difference is just 2 hours from over here. Please email anytime!

    • Mish says:

      Nicole, thank you so much. I am sorry for making you cry. dang it. You’re SO right abt the mind game. I can all the intentions in the world of being and/or doing something..but w/o it being in my heart it wont work. THANK YOU.

  12. Sarah says:

    It’s amazing how even a health scare sometimes can’t overcome disordered eating, isn’t it? It just goes to show you that knowledge does not always mean we’ll change our behaviour! I had a similar problem last year with not being whipped into shape by a health scare. But I am sure you can do it! 21 days to make a habit, remember…

    Have you checked out Diet, Dessert and Dogs? http://www.dietdessertndogs.com/. She’s on the anti-candida diet, and even has a recipe book (which I think you can buy online), plus tons of helpful tips and recipes posted on the blog.

    I hope the naturopath is helping you! I found that going to a naturopath helped me immensely with stomach problems I have had since I was a teenager. I was skeptical, but she proved me wrong!

  13. Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42 says:

    I just posted about my sugar binge last night. I was hiding it for a few days but thought if I’m going to grow, I’ve got to come clean and confess. I dread my husband and family reading it.

    Thank you for your honesty. I’m sorry you feel awful but admire your “Phoenix from the Fire” spirit.

    I’m giving up sugar for one week (hopefully longer). I’ll come back to you and see how you’re doing. May many blessings come your way.

    • Mish says:

      Thank you. It’s ok..I’ve had so many sugar binges..let me tell ya. I think the thing that I am doing is shifting my focus on what I can’t have…to what I can have. It’s not as exhausting. Try stevia…it’s the ONLY sugar I can have..and believe me I am stocking up 🙂

  14. Shannon Fab Fattie says:

    You are amazing and thank you so much for sharing your meltdown with us. You are human and I am sure it is frustrating but know that you should not beat yourself up over it.
    You know what action to take and that is what you are going to do. I know you will succeed and you are capable because you are STRONG!
    I just love ya and if I were there I would give you a big hug and a kick in the pants and tell you to keep on keepin’ on!
    XO

  15. Dori says:

    So sorry you are suffering so much.

    A couple if things though. I think it is important you get an official diagnosis from a GI if you haven’t yet. An endoscopy will tell you for sure if you have celiac, as a blood test alone cannot tell you for certain. And a hydrogen breath test *should* give you more anwers about bacterial overgrowth. Have you had these tests?? There is a wonderful antibiotic called Xifaxan that is expensive but can help.

    • Mish says:

      I haven’t had one of those yet. Although I’ve had a colonoscopy done and then after spending 1,800 they go ‘yeah we really couldn’t get to where we needed to get to, we’ll need to do an MRI’. I can’t afford it..whcih is the honest truth. But, I will perhaps speak with my doctor next week about that medication. Thank you.

  16. kristen says:

    Just to echo everyone else- I’m sorry you’ve been suffering. Good luck with the new food and the “yeast ball” 🙂 I hope it goes well and that you start feeling better.

  17. Ricki says:

    Mish,
    I just found your blog through someone who linked to my own. After listening to your video, I see so much of my own struggle with candida. And my heart goes out to you.

    You are so right; this is HARD. I have been on the Anti Candida Diet (ACD) for eleven months now and I still have sugar cravings. (I could probably eat a pound of chocolate without thinking!) It is, truly, a horrible addiction–I have no doubt about that. But I also hope that you will be kind to yourself about slipups; it happens to everyone! I still struggle, as well, with being angry at myself (after all, I’m the one who put all those yeast-friendly sweets in my mouth), but I am trying to be kinder and more forgiving, as anger didn’t really seem to help me very much. 😉

    And you’re right in thinking that you need to cut it out entirely–no more cheating–to have a real, lasting effect. I feel sooooo much better now, and have felt better for quite a while. It really does make a difference! I have energy again, I’ve lost weight, I feel so much happier so much of the time. It will happen for you, too, if you stick with it. And if you slip, just go right back on it.

    I commend you for taking this step and for caring enough about your health to go back on the diet. Best of luck with it, and I’ll be watching your progess and cheering you on!

    Ricki

    • Mish says:

      I found your website last night and wanted to hug you…virtually. SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS. I mean how can I explain to someone that one bite, ONE BITE, sends me into a sugar induce binge that results in me wanting ‘needing’ more sugar? That when I eat some pasta I get major headaches. Wine doesn’t work for me? How do I explain that I can’t have a night off?

      Thank you for commenting. Thank you for understanding.

  18. Deb says:

    Wow Mish, that is so rough. I know very little about celiac and yeast etc, but if you trust that your naturopath is correct by adhering to what (s)he says and seeing results, then that is proof enough. I feel so bad seeing you so upset with yourself about giving in to sugar and gluten. It is SUCH a hard thing to give up- or so I could imagine. So much so that it breaks my heart to see you so upset with yourself. Those must be the hardest foods to give up so I can’t say that I would blame you for ‘slipping up’ especially since you have all this other stress on you right now- moving and the heat. I was visiting Australia in Feb about 10 yrs ago and literally thought I was going to die. When you said you’re exhausted, i thought- “WELL YEAH!! you’re in Australia in January- I was exhausted too- gluten or no gluten!!”.

    I don’t know if this has been in any way helpful. I think it was a long rambly way to say, cut yourself some slack. If you in fact need to cut out certain foods because it makes you feel better, you will find a way to do it. But asking perfection of yourself is a huge load to bear. Hugs.

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