An ‘Oh HELL No!’ Moment

A Self Love reflection from Mandy

I love that I’m creative, loyal and willing to change and grow. I’ve come to love my body as I nourish it and watch it get stronger and more capable. I’m working on trusting myself, my body and my abilities and silencing the mental talk that tells me I CAN’T and replacing with I CAN.

Have you ever hit the ‘Oh, HELL NO’ wall?

I said ‘Oh, HELL no!’ to myself. I started bingeing again, I got into a very dark place again. For 2 days I dealt with the shit that I have been dealing with over the past year. Then I just said..NO. Michelle, you’re not going to do this anymore.

This shift was sparked by this picture

I was ridiculously happy in this picture and totally happy with my body then. I LOVED MYSELF!

After looking at this picture I got to thinking:

  • Since when do you stop believing in yourself?
  • Since when do you stop loving yourself?
  • Since when do you stop thinking that you can’t simply eat and listen to your body?
  • Since when do you bench yourself?

It’s the doubt that festers in the soul of our being that robs the beautiful light that is in all of us.

A Dream Defered By: Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Have you ever had an ‘Oh Hell No’ moment? Are you deferring any of your dreams?


21 thoughts on “An ‘Oh HELL No!’ Moment

  1. MizFit says:

    wow.
    (love gemfit)
    wow
    (your face in that photo is amazing. the joy you radiate is unbelievable)
    wow
    (I adore LH. Reread his poems frequently. LOVE)

  2. gemfit says:

    That is an AWSOME photo – your face says it all. So much joy. Keep that one where you can see it often.

    I love that poem. Never seen it before but I think it’s going to printed out and stuck up on my wall at work.

    My dreams got deferred for a while but I made a deal with myself this year to focus on them, get back to writing and photography now that I have more time to do it. Going freelance has changed my priorities and I’m determined not to let it pass me by again.

  3. missyrayn says:

    You look so happy in that picture.

    My oh hell no minute was telling myself that I couldn’t run because I was fat. I only walked on hills and did the elliptical. Then I just said screw it and went for a run. It was hard but now I love it. I had a slight relapse after my surgery and wondering if I should just give up with my WL and running and just be satisfied where I was. But then I realised I was happiest running and needed to get back to it no matter how slow or long it took.

  4. Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42 says:

    I loved reading the questions you have for yourself. I needed to read them for myself. Although I’m making changes, the binge monster is just lurking around the corner. When it comes, again, I hope for my “oh, hell, no!” moment.

  5. Yum Yucky says:

    I thought about this last night in prayer. Praying for things I need (and want) does NOT mean I have to wait to be happy until I get my needs (and wants?).

    OH, hell no! I be happy NOW!

    I choose to be happy NOW and live NOW. I have too much going for me – like my beautiful family. I spent less time on the Net this weekend and MORE time with my children. I had a blast!

    • Mish says:

      I am going to pull a page out of yours and Miz’s book and unplug more on the weekends. My life is online..but my life is also offline.

  6. Reluctant Blogger says:

    Gorgeous photo.

    I”m glad you have come out of the dark place and have found some energy to get back on track.

    I do feel I am a little trapped sometimes. I have real choices about pretty well everything in my life – except with regard to Sandra. And sometimes I just think I should chuck everything in here and jump on that plane with the boys and go to Sydney. And maybe I will. But the thought of what they stand to lose in terms of their relationship with their father holds me back. I know it would be the wrong thing to do. But sometimes it makes life feel a bit – not sure what – like it is on hold I suppose.

    • Mish says:

      Whenever I think that I really want kids, I ask myself ‘Have I done all that I want to do?’ and I always answer nope..not yet. You’re time will come. YOu can always come back for a visit .

  7. Jenelle says:

    You are worth it, Michelle. I love this photo. Lovely capture of happiness.

    I had an “OH HELL NO” moment last night while on the floor doing ab exercises. Before my workout I popped some cocoa meringue cookies in the oven. I had a stressful day and found the recipe on the Weight Watchers site. It’s the first time I’d attempted baking all month. While working out I smelled dozens of sweet treats waiting for me, packed with white sugar and knew that despite my best efforts I’d eat them all in the span of a few days. I resolved while on the floor in a “Superman” pose that as soon as my workout DVD was over, I’d pull those cookies out of the oven and throw them away. I don’t NEED them to feel better about my bad day. My thinking was Hell No, I work too hard for this. Hell no, I love myself too much to fall back into this cycle.

    • Mish says:

      you are so incredibly strong. It’s so true. I am getting to the point where I bake..the constant tasting starts and I am able to say ‘we’re not going there’ and it stops. I bake muffins tonight and I had one. That’s the first time it’s happened. You know what..it’s cause I casted away the doubt and wouldn’t let myself go back there.

      Thank you for sharing that. I feel like you get me.

  8. Shannon Fab Fattie says:

    You can see that you are happy. It is very obvious. Thats a good place and you deserve to be there. You stopped your binge and are back on track. You will be there again I know it!
    Mish you are blessed to have that time, you know what being really happy feels like. Some people never find it at all and that is sad.
    You are beautiful!

  9. julie says:

    I haven’t binged in a while, I like to think I’m cured. I’m don’t do so much of what could be considered dieting, I think that helps a lot. Or maybe I just don’t use bingeing as a coping mechanism anymore. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself, and I’ll face it again.

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