In my Grandpa’s Eyes

A Self-Love reflection from Diane

What I love is that even when I felt unhappy with my appearance I was still able to love other people unconditionally. What I’ve come to love is my past – the hard times still had a lot of joy. One thing I’m still working on is loving my life where I am right now.

Does weight really matter to those around you?

I busted out my first aid kit tonight. I really needed it. I didn’t work out today and I slacked off all day. The perfectionist comes out in all sorts of ways. If it’s not tracking points, then it’s not doing enough exercise. etc.

However, I looked at this picture and knew that it just didn’t matter.

For me, my family has loved me at every size, shape, obsessive pattern, weird diet that I’ve been on. They don’t care about any of that. What they care about is who I am.

My Grandpa doesn’t think that I am too fat, too this, too that. What he sees is a girl who grew up on a farm, demanding to drive tractor at 12 years old, who went to uni and has travelled the world. He sees his granddaughter finally doing what he told her to do eight years ago: becoming a nurse. What he sees and what is is proud of is what is at my core.

I laid on my floor tonight. My tummy bloated from, lord knows what, and I was feeling guilty for not exercising and putting it off all day. The fact that the dishes aren’t done and that laundry is needing to be changed. I busted out my first aid kit and instantly remembered that I am SO glad I made it.

Reading through letters and looking at pictures reminded me that people care not about what weight, pant size, shirt size or minute exercise total I have. What they care about is my soul, my spirit, my internal beauty.

I keep coming back to this picture, which is hanging on my wall as a reminder that what I need to weigh/measure/exercise is the internal me.

Who in your life reminds you that you’re beautiful? What in your life shows you your internal beauty? Have you ever lost it/given it away?


14 thoughts on “In my Grandpa’s Eyes

  1. Yum Yucky says:

    The real me is the spirit that God gave me. The external part will fade. Beauty fades, but the spirit inside the external body that I am constantly working to improve and make sexy(<–hehe) – that is eternal. That is what's beautiful to me. I am not just what I see in the mirror. 🙂

  2. love2eatinpa says:

    damn, michelle, you always ask these thought provoking questions! lol!
    i don’t know that anyone reminds me that i’m beautiful, except maybe my husband occasionally.
    i’m still struggling to figure out what my internal beauty is, so i can’t answer that one.
    i noticed you changed your ending “signature” – good stuff!!!

  3. eaternotarunner says:

    My mom has always been my biggest fan, and no matter what she always tells me that beauty on the inside is most important. That is something that no one can take away from us!

  4. Aimee says:

    It’s good to remember it’s what is inside that counts, not our outside. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

    As for who reminds me I’m beautiful, that’s a tough one. My parents were always my biggest cheerleaders, but they’re both gone now. When I have those moments of getting down on myself I think of my parents and what they would have said to me, so the down moments don’t last long.

    I’m working on learning to remind myself that I’m beautiful and not worry so much about what other people think.

  5. missyrayn says:

    My mom has told me I was beautiful all my life. Even when I was my heaviest she would say I had great legs and a good heart. I love that woman and she sees me for me.

  6. Kara (@ Kara's Marathon) says:

    This is such a lovely post! I think I’m going to have to make myself a first-aid kit of my own.

    My wonderful husband tells me I’m beautiful, even when I’m flopped on the couch in my sweats, feeling gross. He’s loved me 70 lbs. heavier than I am right now and 20 lbs. lighter, and his unconditional support means the world to me.

    I let my negative inner voice control how I’m feeling about myself too often, but I’m working on changing that and appreciating my body (and my inner self) even when I’m having a bad day.

  7. plamarie says:

    I love photos like that! It’s all about “that time.” I have a photo that was taken after I got my hair fixed for my wedding. It is my FAVORITE wedding photo. No make up even. I remembered all the emotion in that photo.
    Your Grandparents are soo cute!

  8. challenges2010 says:

    Going back to your first question: Does weight really matter to those around you? Yes it does. I don’t know how many of my family but I know my Mom does. I learned a number of years ago through my grandfather that she worries I’m going to buy the farm. Sometimes even crying when talking with them. Makes me feel bad writing that down as I haven’t thought about it much lately.

    Even knowing that hasn’t been motivation to lose the weight. I’ve learned you can only do it for yourself and when you’re finally ready to do it. Sorry Mom it’s taking so long!

    • Mish says:

      I remember when I lost 15ish lbs last year for the person I was dating. It was exhausting for, me because I felt like I could/would never be enough for him.

      What I realised is that I had to make peace with what he wanted…and realise that it had NOTHING to do with me..rather him and his twisted thinking. It was hard. I wanted to make him happy..I am a people pleaser. What I have learned is that I can only do things for me. Repairing your relationship with yourself is so important.

      hugs.

  9. All Women Stalker says:

    I guess I’m really lucky to have a boyfriend like mine. He taught me to care more about how my body performs rather than how it looks. He helped me lose most of my insecurities about weight and body size.

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