Ever have to have a DTR (define the relationship) talk?
I am having to have that right now with this..my blog..with you…but most importantly with myself.
I have some things I need to ‘get off my chest’
What are my passions?
I was at church this weekend and the Priest was talking and said ‘live a life that will make people remember you. Use God’s unfailing love to guide you in what you do.’ The later part of that message is one that many religious people are conscious of and yet struggle to embody all the time. It’s a tough ask when you want to throttle 20 year olds and maintain a level of composure whereby they walk away feeling empowered. (ie my day yesterday)
What struck me is: what type of life do I want to leave behind me?
Discovering my passions and leaving a life for others to look through has left me with a finished feeling about EatingJourney.
I started EJ on the encouragement (ironically) from my ex, who thought it would be a good way to document my weight loss and be a voice for those who have lost weight and who are losing weight.
It was a weight loss blog, then became a binge journal, and now I suppose a self-love/appreciation/listen to your body space. In many ways EJ was my daily therapy where I can dump my feelings, whatever they maybe, down for the whole world to munch on, digest, and perhaps comment. It has been a good thing for me and to simply say that EJ has been one of the best things in my life..maybe an understatement.
However, going back to passions and ‘legacy’ it’s not how I want to define myself anymore. Yeah, I maybe a recovering binger, a girl who’s lost heaps of weight, an sporadic fitness worker outer, a college student, a girl who loves graphs. But, to be honest I am almost SICK of talking about my journey to weight loss, re-hasing old thought patterns, talking about bingeing etc. as the SOLE focus. I feel like I’ve run out of steam for this focus of EJ.
I want to focus on cooking, fitness, veg/veg, recipes, faith…I just want to live my life the way that I am. I don’t want to feel like I have to post a blog. In some ways I feel like I don’t have anymore to say to people.
This is something I wrote to a dear friend. It’s the nuts n’ bolts of why I feel that my energy has lacked in the past couple of weeks. It’s about re-alinging myself and deciding the perhaps there’s more to me than just talking about weight/weight loss/being pissed I haven’t lost more weight.
What I think it really is, is that I am starting to define myself outside of that realm was well.
Does that mean if I re-define myself out of that realm, that I can still be faithful to the journey that is here on EJ?
There’s part of me that is freaking out cause I have nursing school and it’s gonna ‘take a lot of my time’. But let’s be honest, I am pretty good as wasting a good portion of my day reading my google reader, twittering, checking facebook and leaving the dishes ’til tomorrow’.
I am not sure what I am going to do. I am not going to take a break. I am not going to wallow. I am going to finish up Self-Love in Feb and come March I will make my decision. March 1st.
From now until March 1st things may change here. They may not. What I can say is that my relationship with EJ, you my readers and myself is going to be rooted in a true authenticity to myself, who I am in all aspects and where I am going.
No holds bar..it’s me.
Thoughts? Have you had to have a DTR with yourself? Your job? Your partner? —> If so..what resulted?