Ever have to have a DTR (define the relationship) talk?

I am having to have that right now with this..my blog..with you…but most importantly with myself.

I have some things I need to ‘get off my chest’

What are my passions?

I was at church this weekend and the Priest was talking and said ‘live a life that will make people remember you. Use God’s unfailing love to guide you in what you do.’ The later part of that message is one that many religious people are conscious of and yet struggle to embody all the time. It’s a tough ask when you want to throttle 20 year olds and maintain a level of composure whereby they walk away feeling empowered. (ie my day yesterday)
What struck me is: what type of life do I want to leave behind me?

Discovering my passions and leaving a life for others to look through has left me with a finished feeling about EatingJourney.
I started EJ on the encouragement (ironically) from my ex, who thought it would be a good way to document my weight loss and be a voice for those who have lost weight and who are losing weight.
It was a weight loss blog, then became a binge journal, and now I suppose a self-love/appreciation/listen to your body space. In many ways EJ was my daily therapy where I can dump my feelings, whatever they maybe, down for the whole world to munch on, digest, and perhaps comment. It has been a good thing for me and to simply say that EJ has been one of the best things in my life..maybe an understatement.

However, going back to passions and ‘legacy’ it’s not how I want to define myself anymore. Yeah, I maybe a recovering binger, a girl who’s lost heaps of weight, an sporadic fitness worker outer, a college student, a girl who loves graphs. But, to be honest I am almost SICK of talking about my journey to weight loss, re-hasing old thought patterns, talking about bingeing etc. as the SOLE focus. I feel like I’ve run out of steam for this focus of EJ.
I want to focus on cooking, fitness, veg/veg, recipes, faith…I just want to live my life the way that I am. I don’t want to feel like I have to post a blog. In some ways I feel like I don’t have anymore to say to people.
This is something I wrote to a dear friend. It’s the nuts n’ bolts of why I feel that my energy has lacked in the past couple of weeks. It’s about re-alinging myself and deciding the perhaps there’s more to me than just talking about weight/weight loss/being pissed I haven’t lost more weight.
What I think it really is, is that I am starting to define myself outside of that realm was well.

Does that mean if I re-define myself out of that realm, that I can still be faithful to the journey that is here on EJ?

There’s part of me that is freaking out cause I have nursing school and it’s gonna ‘take a lot of my time’. But let’s be honest, I am pretty good as wasting a good portion of my day reading my google reader, twittering, checking facebook and leaving the dishes ’til tomorrow’.
I am not sure what I am going to do. I am not going to take a break. I am not going to wallow. I am going to finish up Self-Love in Feb and come March I will make my decision. March 1st.

From now until March 1st things may change here. They may not. What I can say is that my relationship with EJ, you my readers and myself is going to be rooted in a true authenticity to myself, who I am in all aspects and where I am going.
No holds bar..it’s me.

Thoughts? Have you had to have a DTR with yourself? Your job? Your partner? —> If so..what resulted?

27 thoughts on “A DTR

  1. Nancy says:

    Perhaps you are being too black and white. I say this with much selfishness having just found your blog and the thought of losing your meaningful insights saddens me, having said that….

    Why not blog about this new awakening this new journey that is about to start for you – blog when and only when you feel like it and blog about “………. cooking, fitness, veg/veg, recipes, faith…I just want to live my life the way that I am.”

    So many woman I am sure are on the cusp of where you are – sick of it, sick of the focus and the nonsense looking to clear the clutter and focus on greatness and progress and newness and all things that glitter – versus the same old limiting rhetoric.

    just a thought!!! and also – just know that I have found your blog to be deeply meaningful!

    • Mish says:

      Nancy, thank you first for stopping by. Further, thank you for saying what you’ve said. I am hoping that I get the chance to ‘plow’ through where I am and show that re-discovering and expanding upon your life beyond is possible. Thanks again for your comment, it means a lot.

  2. gemfit says:

    There’s nothing to say that you HAVE to post everyday and only on certain topics. My blog is my space. Sometimes it has focus and sometimes not.

    We all need a space. Don’t let it define you – define it yourself.

  3. Ryan Sullivan says:

    I’ve felt this before. Really, I have. Just recently I started writing about whateverthehell I wanted and the feedback has been nothing but positive. I know that sometimes we think that our “other lives” may not be all that exciting, but they bring a sense of reality into it all. People understand that you are not simply the things you mention in your post. The beauty of it all is that NOT ALL THINGS WILL TIE BACK INTO WEIGHT LOSS, BINGE EATING, OR SELF LOVE. The diversity is beautiful. Do whatever it is you want to do and maybe write about it along the way when you feel the need. We’ll be here waiting when you decide to.

  4. Katie says:

    I just started reading your blog and I love it. You’re insightful and funny and I’d read anything you decide to write. I’m interested in anything that inspires me or helps me grow as a person. Sometimes that means food/fitness blogs, sometimes political blogs, etc. I hope you keep blogging whatever form it may take. We, your readers, aren’t one dimensional either so don’t be afraid to say what you want!

    • Mish says:

      “We, your readers, aren’t one dimensional either so don’t be afraid to say what you want!” LOVE THAT! Thank you.

  5. Dinneen @ Eat Without Guilt says:

    I totally get that about not wanting to always blog about weight-loss, because there is so much more to life, right?

    Just think that this blog is a reflection of YOU. What is on your mind, what you want to speak about, and what you want to share with the world. And if that means self-love, cooking, fitness, veg lifestyle, recipes, etc than that’s what it should be.

    Your readers (and this one included!) love you for who you ARE, not simply for your weight-loss journey. The insight, inspiration, and motivation you give people here goes WAY BEYOND THAT. So remember that.

    Write about what you want to write about (whatever that may be….and it may change from month to month, week to week, or day to day) the people who need to hear it will be drawn to it and you. And you’ll still be helping people in whatever “journey” they are on.

  6. love2eatinpa says:

    michelle, the fact that you are re-evaluating your life is a great thing. other people just plod along and never make waves, so i applaud that you have the ability to step back from yourself and see where you are and where you would like to be. so pat yourself on the back for having that amazing insight into yourself.

    as far as the blog… personally, i love reading you as well. is it possible to just not make it a priority? write when you feel like it, about what you feel like writing about? there is no big prize for blogging. your goals are focusing on your family, school, fun and living life to the fullest. when the blog fits in to any of those categories and you feel like writing about it, then write. there is no pressure. the blog should be for you, not for anyone else.

    i’m sure i speak for most when i say that we support whatever you chose, we just want you to be happy, because you deserve it. if the blog doesn’t make you happy anymore, then stop.

  7. Shannon Fab Fattie says:

    You are describing exactly what I go through over and over!
    So many times I have wondered where I would be if I let the constant blogging/twittering/fb go.
    How much more time would we all have to get ourselves more healthy and fit? How much more time would we all have with those we care about? How many more freakin’ calories would we burn getting off our asses?
    In the past week with my blog being down I have realized a thing or two about the friends we make on here (blog twitter fb).
    If they are really concerned about you and are really friends they will be with or without a blog. When you are available to be there as a friend.
    Your thoughts are more than justified and valid. Great idea to give yourself a little time to think about it and do what you can do.
    The biggest thing I have learned from all of this… No one expects anything from us but us. The blog world does not fall apart if we miss a few days.
    I love that you talk about the things that so many of us think and don’t dare to address.
    Just freakin’ love you!!

  8. Ralf says:

    Maybe you should simply do what you want. You don’t write the blog for others, you write it just for you. Otherwise you’d break or get bored or whatever in a week max. There are these exterovert people writing all day for others (ok, writing for themselfs, showing their big ego, hoping to make money, whatever), but is that you?

    Don’t write for us. If you don’t want to write, then don’t. For a day, a month, forever – it does not matter. Make yourself happy! If you don’t try that, who else?

    And, btw, I would feel better to know that you are happy than to read your comments of your life, as insightful and wonderful as they are, if you don’t do it by heart. Yes, I am selfish. No joke.

  9. POD says:

    I can relate (we were in the phone class together (I think). I started writing a blog to inform my family and friends about a cancer diagnosis. Then I realized I didn’t just have cancer, I had lymphedema. Then I thought..good gawd, how boring can you get!? I mean, all this talk about cancer and or lymphedema or weight loss or dying or just too much “talk” writing about things that are not us. Not me. I am not my disease or my binge or my cancer. I am so much more. You do what you need to do. Write when you want. Write *what* you feel like writing about. Be authentic.
    That’s all that matters.

  10. Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) says:

    I think that this does happen to bloggers from time to time. I think that it’s normal to feel the way you do. Leaving the dishes til tomorrow so that you can tackle Reader and blog and tweet has it’s own chaos and that is a stress. It’s your journey- you can determine where it goes. You have a lot of readers who really love your work and your message- as long as you’re true to yourself- you’ll be true to your readers 🙂

  11. Teri says:

    Michelle…your honesty is one of the main reasons I admire you so much. Do what you want to do…we’ve only got one life to live.

  12. fattiefatterton says:

    No matter what, I’m going to read whatever you put out here. 😀

    Yes, I have felt the way that you do now, and that’s why I actually am working on a new blog that will combine my other two. I started my first blog, my Lawgirl blog, 4 years ago and I am not that same person anymore. Lawgirl was born out of grief over many things and I am not that person anymore. I don’t want to be identified that way anymore.

    I totally get from where you’re coming and life should be an evolution.

  13. christie @ honoring health says:

    I have struggled with this on my blog tons and tons of times, I even wrote a post about it the other day. I think you have to do what is right for you because you are responsible for your happiness, not us. Do what works for you. Write what you want when you want and sometimes that might mean not at all.

    Stay strong, you are awesome and are doing awesome. I will support whatever decision you make.

    • Mish says:

      In some weird twisted way, it’s nice to know that I am not the only one who struggles with this. Thank you for sharing

  14. Maria says:

    Quite relevant to me right now..
    My 2 cents are:

    Defining a relationship should come from you and not from external sources as in your readers, partner, etc. Reason is it would be responding to someone else’s needs and not yours, and it’s yours that you need to look after before anything else. You might not be authenthic under pressure and would just need to take whatever you say back after a while because your process was probably not mature yet, if it were, you’d know.

    If you feel like defining or changing it, you have all the right to do so! we are ever changing inside and our life should reflect that.

  15. Tina says:

    I had to do that recently. I took a break from my blog because I hated that it solely focused on my fitness. And like you talked about in a previous post, I wanted there to be more to who I was and how people defined me. Sure, fitness is still a big part of who I am, but I didn’t want it to be the ONLY part and all I talked about. So, I decided if I was going to go back to blogging regularly (because I liked having a place to dump my thoughts too) then it would have to encompass all parts of who I am and people could take it or leave it. That’s where I am now and I feel so much better. I hope you continue to blog because I enjoy reading your thoughts. But you have to put yourself first and we should all respect that and understand that. 🙂

    • Mish says:

      I think it’s so important not to hold back. I have held back talking about faith, cause I didn’t want to offend anyone. not any more. it’s part of me. I need to get your fitness level in my life…what an inspiration.

  16. missyrayn says:

    I had to have the conversation with myself about how I wanted to live my life and not be so wrapped up in work. Then I had to have that conversation with Hunni about getting out and being ME more.

    Mish you fill such an important portion of our lives and we would love to share yours. You have come so far and you can continue to grow. Find the passion of what you want to write about instead of what you think we want to hear about. You’d be surprised! Love ya girl!

  17. Hilda says:

    I’m not on a weight loss journey, but I regularly find inspiration in what you write here. I think you could write about anything, because you do already do what you do authentically, and that’s what draws readers to you.

    You can change the name, the focus and the frequency of your blogging and you’ll still draw people to read what you write. That’s not to put pressure on you to keep going – you have to do what supports you where you’re at right now. Maybe taking a break might help you figure it out… I recommend reading this post by Joanna Young: http://confidentwriting.com/2010/02/letting-go-and-letting-flow/

    All the best working it out!

  18. All Women Stalker says:

    After a DTR with myself, I found myself becoming stronger and having more conviction about the life I want to live. After a DTR with my boyfriend, I think the relationship has become more stronger. DTRs always make feel strong and reminded of what I want out of something.

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