Right now i feel like i need to focus on what i love about myself first. I love that i’m comfortable for my son to cuddle…he always picks me over anyone else. that might mean i have weight to loss, but it also shows me that he loves me and that he knows i’m a comfort. I love that I have a background in counseling because it makes me easy to talk to. i have alot of friends IRL who feel like i’m the only person who they can say whatever to and i value that alot. oh, and i love to run and i love that i can do it! It feels so weird sayiing what i like about myself, because i don’t want to sound boastful, since that’s basically the exact opposite of how i am.
Now on to what i’m working on… of course my weight is my number one focus. I want to be fit and healthy. I want inner peace…i want stabilty…and the only reason i don’t have it is because of myself. i make problems for myself on a regular basis. i spend out of control, i say things that are out of control to the people i love, i react in an out of control fashion all too often. to make my relationship with my husband better i need to work on me…and the aspects of my life that i can control. As much as I would love to say i can’t control my mood, that’s not true. Exercise helps keeps my moods pretty stable and i have been putting that off for MONTHS…even after my knee was in a condition that could handle it. Exercise makes me feel more content in general, i sleep better, it helps me eat better, it gives me time to myself- my exercise time is time where i’m doing something that’s totally for me. I need to be a better housewife, since for now that’s the job i’ve choosen. i need to make dinner on a regular basis…i need to clean more often and just generally take better care of the house. I know these things aren’t generally enjoyable, but they do give me a sense of purpose. if that makes sense. it makes me feel like i DO play an important role in my family, that i am capable, that i’m not just a useless object.
Can I just say that eating out, eating, thinking about food, etc. has been so much EASIER since confessing to myself, you, that I am a compulsive overeater.
God…it was like doves flew out of my chest, the angels sang, and the sun poured through the clouds.
Ok…that maybe a little melodramatic. But can I just say the freedom from having the knowledge of what I am battling with and knowing that it’s something that I can overcome is more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced before in my whole life. In fact, it’s what I have been talking about, praying for, lusting after, and hoping that someday I’d experience.
Why not test out this feeling with food?