Today has been a bit up and down…to be honest.
I don’t know what it was..but perhaps I’ll blame Lady Antebellum for their country music for putting me in a bit of a funk (I missed home). I couldn’t really shake it all day today. In my funks I have resorted to baking. I cranked out some Banana Chocolate Chip Walnut muffins. They are also not gut friendly at all. I had 1 1/2 of the muffins and then just stopped.
You see I have bitched, complained, moaned, lusted, pined, tried to ‘be good’. I have wanted to cure my stupid stomach, my food allergies, my bingeing, my last 25ish lbs that I am carrying.
And I turned to food today when I was down…can’t teach an old dog new tricks?
What hit me is that I don’t put myself first. I don’t actually believe that I am good enough, fast enough, pretty enough, smart enough…etc.
For example when talking about myself in the dating scene I hide behind my shitty ex and what he said about me and my weight, I hide behind the obese teenager cowering from going to Prom with anyone, I hide behind the friend card because it’s easier, I hide behind intellectual conversations and counseling sessions with men. I don’t throw my charm, wit, collar bones, or hips at them.
I don’t put myself MENTALLY FIRST.
WELL GOSH DAMN DARN IT…I AM GOOD ENOUGH.
To be honest, I can’t CAN believe that I have
I busted out a 24:11 5km yesterday
I am beautiful, courageous, awesome, amazing, talented, gifted, sexy, intelligent, wholesome and THAT I ALWAYS AM.
There are times when that little voice inside of my mind creeps in and tells me that I can’t. It’s what has enabled me to attach myself to men who are assholes, people who are needy, to impossible expectations of myself and to the ability to take what I have been given (by God) and shove it down.
I ran tonight, I ran with freedom.
As I tweeted today:
from this day forward I have decided to put my intuitive self first, I am committed to silencing doubt and acting in a way that honors me
I mean it.
Have you had ‘enough is enough’ moment and just started doing what you wanted to do? Started believing in yourself?
Harnessing My Intuitive Self