Thin isn’t Beautiful

I am one day away from putting my weight up on the blog world for everyone to see…and for Ryan to think that he can beat me. Yeah, whatever, I’ll beat in the Fight to the Finish. I have been a bit worried about going back to weighing myself. I have gotten rid of the scale before, and it’s now going to be a part of my life for the next six weeks. I could feel the level and tension rise with the thought of ‘having to lose weight each week. It’s an internal pressure, but it’s something that I have avoided by maintaining the weight that I am currently at now for about 1 year. The weight that I want off, but ‘just can’t seem to get ride of it’.

I was talking with Christie today on g-chat.

She asked me: Michelle why do you want to lose the weight?

I just looked at the question. Then I wanted to vomit at the answer that ran through my brain. I don’t even want to write it here, but I think I need to.

To be thin.
So that a man will think that I am beautiful

I am not immune to these thought patterns yet. I know that it’s my false self creeping in and doing it’s thing. As I wrote earlier today, I can’t and won’t feed into this shit anymore. Literally and figurativley.

Without rehashing old wounds and dragging people in my life through guilt, I have had a couple of men who have solidified this notion that ‘thin is beautiful’. You see, when we think about why we are doing things, it’s amazing that many times we are doing them for things other than ourselves.

The scary thing, for me, this time losing weight–is that it’s for ME! It’s not for a man. It’s not for an event. It’s not for anything but me. Not even for a diet plan.

Can I do it?
Can I actually lose weight whilst listening to my body?
Do I have enough self-respect to focus more on moving and fueling my body instead of thinning my body down?

I can’t actually say Yes to those questions. I am being honest. What I am saying Yes to, is that over the next six weeks I am going to strive to live everyday to saying YES to those questions which I have posed.

I sobbed, again, today when I realised that I have wanted and have lost weight to be thin.

Beautiful is respecting yourself right now, in the choices that you’re making.

Respect and beauty lie within making healthy choices daily, working your body how you want to, listening to your body’s cues and holding onto positive self-talk.

Is ‘thin’ what is beautiful to you? Have you lost weight to be thin?

~Mish
Harnessing My Intuitive Self

18 thoughts on “Thin isn’t Beautiful

  1. Ashley says:

    Michelle- I just wanted to say that I see you as thin. Everytime I see your exposed post, I think that. You need to stop seeing the person that you were. Perhaps you feel like you need to lose weight, but I can’t imagine I’m the only person who sees you as thin.

    We all see ourselves with the most critical eyes, I am absolutely guilty of that, but you need to start changing the way you see yourself. I know you are trying, but maybe it’s not just your mind you need to retrain, but your eyes as well 🙂

    Hugs.
    ashley

  2. Emily @ The Southern Belle Blogs says:

    I’ve always been happy with my size until about this past year. Thanks to stress from graduation, job hunting, money and boys, I started to control everything that went in my body, just because it was the only thing I could really control. It’s a dangerous system to get it.

    So to me, thin isn’t beautiful, thin is about power, about control. Having the power to love yourself, no matter what size you are, is beautiful. It’s just that the masses can’t recognize that.

  3. Reluctant Blogger says:

    In terms of finding someone else attractive then yes, thin does it for me. But that is just me. There are more people in the world who find thinness unattractive I suspect. We all have personal preferences and it is not that I am fattist anymore than I am red-hairist or hairy chestist. It is just what I do or don’t find attractive. I could fancy someone who was not thin, because at the end of the day it is the person who counts, but in terms of my roving eye, it is skinny lasses who catch my eye.

    In myself – yes, again I prefer to be thin. I’m not sure I think it makes me look beautiful, I just feel better and bouncier if I am thin.

    And I agree with Ashley – I see you as thin. I have never thought of you as anything other. But it wouldn’t matter either way. I like you as a person and I admire you more than you will ever know.

  4. Hope @ Hope's Journey says:

    I’m going to put a different perspective on it. First off, I think you are beautiful, and I am a FIRM believer that there is guy out there that is going to accept you for who you are, NO MATTER what your weight. They DO exist!

    That being said, I think your feelings on wanting to be thin to get a man’s attention is not stupid. I think it’s HUMAN. It’s perfectly normal to want a guy and have him think your attractive. So, I just wanted to say that. It’s a part of life, wanting to find a partner. Sometimes it just takes a little longer.

    Personally, I think you’ve made leaps and bounds in the self-confidence area, and you’ve inspired me to feel more beautiful exactly the way I am. You should be proud of yourself for that. 🙂

    Anyways, I don’t think that thin is always beautiful. I think there is something beautiful about every woman, and they come in EVERY shape and size.

    I lost weight to be healthier, and while size/thinness was a part of it, it was mainly for my health. Hope this helps!

    Hope

    Now, to answer your questions

  5. Passer-by says:

    Do I think the word “thin” is synonymous with “beautiful”? Absolutely not.

    However, I do think that thin is beautiful. I also happen to think that all other body masses, shapes, and sizes are beautiful, too. To define beauty by a pant size is a tempting but altogether horrible practise. Although it is probably easier to regard oneself in this manner, it makes me shudder to think that I could look at another human and deem them “ugly” (such an awful word) or disregard any notion that he or she might be beautiful simply because of his or her size.

    At the end of the day, I believe that it is self-confidence, an effort towards health, and personal qualities that make a person beautiful.

  6. Karen (KCLAnderson) says:

    I agree with Ashley and Reluctant…I see you as “thin” or “in shape” or whatever you want to call it.

    And I agree with Hope that there is a man out there who will love you no matter what you weigh. I am lucky in that I found a man who loves me no matter what I weigh. In fact, when I met him, I weighed more than I do now. And after we married, I gained weight. In some sort of weird way, I think I was testing him. And then I lost weight and regained a little. And he STILL loves me. And now, finally, and most importantly(!), I love myself too.

    But you know what? For the longest time I thought that “losing weight” and “reaching goal weight” and “maintaining goal weight” all meant that I would look like a supermodel and that all would be right with the world. I’m 47. I will never look like a supermodel (besides, no one can look like a supermodel these days with all the airbrushing and photoshopping…not even supermodels LOL).

    And here’s another thing, when I lost weight, I will admit that I got more admiring glances from men, more men holding doors open for me, more attention in general. On the one hand I thought it sad. Then when I regained a little weight, that all seemed to stop. Then, when I started loving myself, walking more confidently, holding my head up high, smiling at those around me, feeling beautiful, all of a sudden I was getting that same attention again. And I hadn’t lost a pound. Go figure.

    Over the years people have told me, “Karen, you don’t see what other people see in you…” and I would say the same to you Miche… “you don’t see what others see in you.” You’ve got everything you need.

  7. Yum Yucky says:

    I admit, early on it was a desire to be thin. But as time went on, it was to be strong, to run, to breathe easy, to be healthy and all that it means. When I think of healthy, the first word that comes to my mind is NOT the word ‘thin’.

  8. Cleo/Lovestruckfatty says:

    I think that the thought of ‘Thin and Attractive’ to me is very skewed in my own mind. Its very double-standard. When i look at myself, i’m disgusted. All I want is to be thin. Yes i want to be more healthy, yes i want to eat right for me, yes i want to be more active and engage in things that ive had to put off for years; BUT… the best choice out of those options is simply to be thin.

    Now, on the other hand; I do not like my men thin normally. I do like them to have a tiny little ‘buddah belly’ at least. I have been known to date/fall in love with ‘teddy bears’. I find men with meat on them (not even muscle necessarily) gorgeous and handsome.

    Aside from that, my girlfriends who are heavier (Or even people in the media) I find them GORGEOUS (most times) even if they weigh more than I do. I think they carry themselves in a better, more controlled way than i’ve ever managed to do with myself. I’ve always been envious of the women that i meet every day who are heavy and look amazingly gorgeous, because i’ve never been able to get there with myself.

  9. simplytrece says:

    Is thin beautiful to me? Absolutely.
    Have I lose weight to be thin? Yes, but regained it.

    Losing weight is my prime directive, often. It’s why i’m having surgery – so I can move better/more, which will help me to lose weight, which will enable me to go live the life I want, to escape the life I’ve been stuck in.

    Not pretty, I agree.

  10. RNegade says:

    I was never thin enough, in my eyes, even when I looked suspiciously anorexic to the rest of the world. Thin represented an illusion, of being in control of my life. Now I understand that control is an illusion. Having control would imply that I have the power to somehow prevent bad things from happening to me or to prevent loss/grief/sadness/fear…or at least reduce the chances of bad things occuring. Getting thin and magical thinking go hand in hand for me.

    Controlling the size of my body gave me an illusion of power. I could shrink down, or I could grow large. Just think. So very few things in life have such a nearly guaranteed outcome: eat less (and less and less!) and exercise more=become smaller. Eat more and more (and move less)=become larger. What a seductive illusion of control and power! It is the magical thinking of small children, for adults who feel as powerless as children.

    The more I accept my powerlessness in the world, the less allure thinness holds for me. I do not control my life. There are too many forces and variables for that to ever happen…I would have to be god. I do not need to control my life in order to live a life of beauty and serenity.

    I do not need to control my size, to shrink down or to grow large. That is my own emptiness chasing after a dream. It is my sad attempt at distraction from the pain that accompanies meaninglessness.

  11. missyrayn says:

    I’ll admit when I first started losing the weight I wanted to be thin. But I got thin and I was still unhealthy. My back was messed up, I was out of shape and not all around good.

    Now I’m trying to be healthy. I weigh more than I did at my lowest but I’m in the best shape of my life. And I’ve come to realize that thin doesn’t equal healthy and beauty. And that for me is great!

  12. simz says:

    I like zaftig bodies. How they look, how they feel… If I was any thinner than I already am, it would look really gross and puny. I can’t stand hugging a skinny girl, and, if I can’t stand hugging myself, how do I expect other people to hug me?

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