I like it when people write about things which swirl around in my head. Here’s a great FABO guest post from Karen on FEAR.
Enjoy! Thanks Karen!!!!
Some Thoughts On Fear ~Karen
Then I read Miche’s recent post on fear.
I think most of us can relate to this fear. I know I spent a lot of time being afraid.
First (like, from the time I was 13 until I was 42) I was afraid that I’d never lose weight (even though I wasn’t actively trying).
Then I was afraid (when I WAS actively trying and losing) that I wouldn’t reach my goal weight.
Then I was afraid what other people thought of me because I never did reach it (even though I lost 55 pounds, my goal was to lose 75)
Then I was afraid that I’d never run a sub-30 minute 5K (now I can’t run because of Lyme disease).
Then I was afraid that I’d gain the weight back (which I did…some of it anyway).
And then I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to lose the weight I had regained (and for a long time I didn’t…that is starting to change)
And here I am. Alive and well. Happier and less afraid than I’ve ever been. The earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole, my husband still adores me, I still have wonderful friends, I am more fulfilled than ever before. I am living my life and pushing myself in ways I never thought possible! I kickbox and take walks instead of running. I just started kettlebell workouts. I am confident in my career as a freelance writer. I started a blog (www.kclanderson.com). I have written a BOOK! I have a new blog (www.kclanderson.com/foodrules) that excites the heck out of me!
So here’s what I’ve learned:
I must not EVER define myself by how much I weigh, nor by how much weight I’ve gained or lost.
When I operate from a place of acceptance and not from a place of fear, I automatically do better in all areas my life: my relationships are better (with myself and others), I write better, I eat better, I take care of myself better. I give better.
Awareness, not obsession, is the key. This isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about saying, “I’ll never eat cheese and crackers again” or “I’ll never be pissed off at X again.” It’s not “it-will-never-happen-again-I-am-cured-hallelujah.”
It takes as long as it needs to take. Be patient and understand that you won’t always know what progress looks like, or that progress sometimes looks like something you wish it didn’t.
Miche, in your post you wrote:
“It makes me scared that what I am experiencing, this new body (which isn’t overly new, I have been around this weight for about five years now) is that it is going to go away. That at the end of the day that I am doomed to be a fat person. That even though I know that I am healthy now…I have to almost live in a mental space where I don’t like my body or accept it where it’s at, because then I’ll loosen up and slide back.”
Been there, done that. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t work. At least not for me. Living like that, with those fears, didn’t work. I regained weight. And I’m not telling you that to scare you even more.
So take a deeeeeep belly breath and say it with me:
“I am fine with who I am right this very minute. I love my body right now. I will love my body in the next minute and the next minute after that. And in the next hour and the next day. No matter what.”
Just like any other thing you want to master, it takes practice. It doesn’t require making huge sweeping changes all at once. It suggests being open, accepting, forgiving, and willing. It suggests understanding that you may not always feel like being open, accepting, forgiving, and willing. Feel your feelings for their own sake and not for any other reason.
In our society we’re taught that “before” equals all that is negative, unhappy, and unhealthy and that “after” is the key to all that is positive, happy and healthy. First you’re here, then you’re there and everything is perfect.
I know you know this, but I’ll say it anyway: the journey never ends and “after” is just an illusion.
What are your thoughts?