I have begun the major shift in my mind…
From wanting to lose weight….
To wanting to be fit.
I have written about this before, but I would have to confess that perhaps it was done in a gun-ho moment of… I WANT TO BE FIT THIN!, even though I wrote to the contrary. You see I have always ALWAYS seen exercise as a weight-loss mechanism, not as something that is a choice to bring about joy, pleasure, pain, change—non-scale related.
I have been plowing through Fight to the Finish (of which I am not going to post my weight this week) and I am pretty much back to EXACTLY where I started. Is that bad? Is that good?
I have cursed the ground the Fight to the Finish has set me up…but you know what? It’s been my own damn choice to be part of it. Just like it’s been my choice to shove cookies in my face, to procrastinate so I wake up with blood shot eyes and no motivation to work out.
It’s been my choice to neglect self-care.
We all have choices…we can sit back and bitch what we aren’t make the right ones…or we can make the right ones.
So, I say here in a state of calm that hasn’t washed over me in a VERY long time..I am ready to make the right choices.
I am not upset that I am losing weight; I *want* to lose weight. I chose to. But that’s what makes me so angry. The fact that I am doing it, and am going to get to my goal, is proof to me that I could have done this at any time.
The lost years, the missed experiences, all those things that happened to me that were painful and difficult because of my weight… all of that was MY FAULT. It was NOT unavoidable, I was NOT helpless, and I had the power to end it. But I didn’t.
and it hit me…how many more days/weeks/months/YEARS am I going to waste?
What choices are you making today?
Harnessing My Workout Routine and Beginning to Feel Hunger