I have begun the major shift in my mind…
From wanting to lose weight….
To wanting to be fit.
I have written about this before, but I would have to confess that perhaps it was done in a gun-ho moment of… I WANT TO BE FIT THIN!, even though I wrote to the contrary. You see I have always ALWAYS seen exercise as a weight-loss mechanism, not as something that is a choice to bring about joy, pleasure, pain, change—non-scale related.
I have been plowing through Fight to the Finish (of which I am not going to post my weight this week) and I am pretty much back to EXACTLY where I started. Is that bad? Is that good?
I have cursed the ground the Fight to the Finish has set me up…but you know what? It’s been my own damn choice to be part of it. Just like it’s been my choice to shove cookies in my face, to procrastinate so I wake up with blood shot eyes and no motivation to work out.
It’s been my choice to neglect self-care.
We all have choices…we can sit back and bitch what we aren’t make the right ones…or we can make the right ones.
So, I say here in a state of calm that hasn’t washed over me in a VERY long time..I am ready to make the right choices.
I was reading through a blog post from Lyn where she stated (go read the blog, it’s excellent)
I am not upset that I am losing weight; I *want* to lose weight. I chose to. But that’s what makes me so angry. The fact that I am doing it, and am going to get to my goal, is proof to me that I could have done this at any time.
The lost years, the missed experiences, all those things that happened to me that were painful and difficult because of my weight… all of that was MY FAULT. It was NOT unavoidable, I was NOT helpless, and I had the power to end it. But I didn’t.
and it hit me…how many more days/weeks/months/YEARS am I going to waste?
None!
What choices are you making today?
~Mish
Harnessing My Workout Routine and Beginning to Feel Hunger
eatingjourney.wordpress.com 
Everyone walks their own path and makes their own decisions. And as much as I, too, have the nasty habit of thinking “why didn’t I do this before?” we have to stop ourselves.
I found this post interesting because recently in my quest to improve my health someone asked me, “how much do you want to lose?” I replied, exasperated, “I just want to feel healthy again!” And it was like the pile of bricks hanging over me had just fallen on my head. Suddenly, I’m much more motivated. I only step on the scale every few weeks to check in and make sure that I’m losing, or maintaining…as long as I am not gaining.
The choices we make are what we have to live with. If you can allow yourself a lazy day once a week, or a cheat meal once a week, it can help keep motivated. It is never easy. The difference between success and failure is if you say, “l’ll be back on track tomorrow” and you are, you are doing great.
Keep fighting the fight, Mish! I am right there with ya!
wow powerful stuff, It does make me angry that I have FINALLY chosen to change, wasted all those years… but better now than not at all, right? today is a new day. I want to enjoy my life and be comfortable with me, I have lived too many years uncomfortable with Karla, if it is broken…. FIX IT!!!
guess what? we’re not wasting tomorrow…how cool is that?
I love seeing this side of you. You are such a beautiful person inside and out.
Thank you..that means so much to me. I am FINALLY starting to hear the words and believing them. Man it’s hard.
Ugh, I just love your posts! I’ve struggled with weight gain since starting grad school. The thing that’s been interesting is that I’ve always been extremely hard on myself, which has certainly helped me get to where I am, but also holds me back in some ways. So I’ve committed to being gentle and loving to myself at all times. It’s much harder than I thought, but in may ways what I’ve needed all along. I think a lot of bingeing behaviors are almost a test of self-love. It definitely sounds like you’re a tad harsh on yourself – you are amazing and an inspiration. And you are those things regardless of what you eat or whether you work out. Just my 2 cents for the day ;).
“I think a lot of bingeing behaviors are almost a test of self-love.” —> It totally is. Thank you for writing this…..
So true — I’ve always seen exercise as a means to an end (ie. weight loss) rather than as something good to do for its own sake. I’m glad to see that you’re getting back to a good place, where you’re focusing on being fit. I think you were there, or close to it, before FTTF started – or maybe you just talked a good game!
Love this statement –> It’s been my CHOICE to neglect self-care. — That’s something I need to remember as well.
FtotheF has been SO good on So many levels and TERRIBLE on others. I can’t wait to throw the f-ing scale out.