A Cheap Luggage Strewn Hotel Room

That something in my brain…more my soul…is like ‘Ok, Michelle we’re ready to move on from this place’.

I stand here with my baggage packed, not knowing exactly where I am going, or how I am going to get there. But I know it’s me, myself and I on this journey.

If I have to metaphorically walk, run, hitch-hike or catch a bus….I am going to get away from this really REALLY negative and black mental state that I’ve been in for a bit.

There comes a point in all of our lives when we realise that ‘THIS ISN’T WORKING ANYMORE’.

There have been many people who have helped me ‘add to and pack my luggage’. But I would have to say that in the past two weeks, I have had my eyes so widely opened to my old patterns that it was frighteningly clear…and yet refreshing. There comes a point in ALL of our lives when we have to dig DEEP.

Begin to pack our own luggage and quit blaming others, the suitcase, the early check-out of the hotel….it’s really us!

REALLY deep to get to the root of what is causing us to stay in the ‘shitty hotel with baggage strewn everywhere’.

It’s ok.

I was speaking with one of my friends and I told them ‘You have to make yourself into the person that you want to become..and in that process you will find the person, things, goals that align with the person that you want to be..and not for the person, things, goals that you think you should be’.

I am scared out of my gourd to think that I am going to leave behind my identity. That’s right, my identity of the woman who struggles and ‘just can’t seem to get there’, cause there’s comfort in that. I do believe that many times, the 95% of people who gain back the weight that they’ve lost, is due to the inability to see themselves as the person that they’ve become.

I am trying not to look at this as a new identity…rather a new manifestation of myself…where I don’t deny or forget where I have been. We learn from our mistakes, our roots, insecurities and strengths.

I am exhausted, at a level that I haven’t felt in a very long time.

However, I am more hopeful than I have been in a very long time.

Anybody want to come on a road trip šŸ™‚ ?

Harnessing My Intuitive Self

8 thoughts on “A Cheap Luggage Strewn Hotel Room

  1. JourneyBeyondSurvival says:

    Me. I love a good road trip!

    I like your phrase”new manifestation of myself where I don’t deny of forget where I have been” That is how I feel. I have learned too much to leave it all behind.

    I think that is why I’m satisfied to be at maintenance for a while so I can calibrate my identity. Let’s go!

  2. Amanda On Foot says:

    I used to get so wrapped up in the idea of who I am, who I was or who I want to be. For me, I have to stop thinking and overanalyzing and just do it.

    I know that if I work hard and stay focused that there’s no way I’m going to lose myself. I’ll always be me, but when I push myself and get fit, I become a happier, healthier “me.”

  3. missyrayn says:

    It’s a long road trip but the sights along the way are great. Learning who you really are is fun. I’m still on that trip but come along for the ride šŸ™‚

  4. RNegade says:

    Oh my dear you sound tired and I hope your semester is over. Nursing school is so mentally and emotionally exhausting, at least it was for me. Always felt like I needed to decompress afterwards. Severely needed a trip to the Oregon coast, my favorite place in the world. In fact, if I could I would head there right now. Alas. I will have to travel there in my imagination. Mmmmm….smell that sweet ocean breeze!

    • Mish says:

      Yeah I am exhausted. I also think that I am batteling a ‘head cold’…which is really being on prac + exhaustion. I came home today after handing in my last assignment and took a 2 1/2 hour nap. You know it’s bad when you do that. Thanks for always being encouraging though…I know that I’ll make it…I love it too much.

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