I started it with intense fervour.
In fact I “beat” Ryan the first two weeks…
Then I aced myself out “Wait, I have lost, more than him, I’ll gain for sure. He’ll come back and kick my butt.”
Then I stayed the same.
And the results: I am EXACTLY where I started.
I would normally
realised that I did it to myself and I have no one else to blame
try to go back on a diet
be totally down on myself
realise that I WILL NEVER get to where I want to be
I am so thankful for all of the shit that I have processed in the past six weeks
I actually feel like I am starting to Fight to the Finish now
I am thankful that I have GAINED anything…I am EXACTLY where I started. Small.little.victories.
I have learned that my body wants to be fit…it’s my mind that needs to start fighting more
I feel like, in some weird twisted way, this is what I needed
Finding the place in your life where you actually say I WANT TO BE HEALTHY…INSTEAD of thin, x amt of lbs, in certain size of dress…is the moment…in my opinion…that you start to fight for the thing that means the most in life..your health.
I have always ALWAYS used weight, the scale, points, calories, exercise as punishment–tools–methods of getting somewhere that never made me happy. A number on a scale. I know that I have talked about this before and perhaps you loyal reader is thinking “Would this woman just stop talking about what she wants, and just and do it!!!”
I am. I am. I am.
So, Ryan, I give this to you. But I just want to say Thank You for sparking something inside of me that I needed…my own personal fire.
Why are you living the life that you’re living right now? What’s motivating you?