I live with about 90 girls and about 90 boys. I am what you might call a ‘house mom’.
I was speaking with two of the boys yesterday and the topic of sex came up. Being an almost 25 year old virgin..when I finally cashed it in…I do struggle to see the ability for 15,16,17 year olds in having, what the boys dubbed as, ‘causal sex’.
Some classic lines of the conversation:
It feels good
I think it’s normal to have sex with whoever, whenever you want
Yeah, they fake it all the time. If they fake it, I am not going to please them
The girls want it, so we give it to them
If you really care about the girl and the relationship, then you wait.
I am not here to throw judgment around about when you should and/or shouldn’t have sex.
What I do care about..and I’ve written about this indirectly before..is a culture of women who are lining themselves up to be perfectionist seeking, attention hungry, validating needy…. empty women.
Perfect Women who are EMPTY.
One of the comments from one of the boys, which absolutely made me think was,
‘Yeah, I have this girl who walked up to me last night and was like ‘Yeah we can be f–k buddies…that’s all I want’. So yeah, that’s what we are’.
I realise that women have the right to be whatever they want to be: virgins, f–k buddies, strippers, mom’s, single w/ kids…
What makes me question the motives of this girl is that she’s 17. (she’s legal in Oz, if he’s 18) Now some 17 year olds are going to have their heads screwed on straight and are going to be able to maintain a level of composure about this and know that being f–k buddies with a guy isn’t going to preclude her from have a healthy, normal, emotionally intimate/satisfying/stable relationship in the future.
I have had instances in my life where I have THROWN myself at men because I was wanting affection, attention, love, adoration…etc. I wanted my soul filled. In fact, when I first started going out with my ex, it started out physical and I got emotionally tangled in it. After being told I needed to lose weight..I did. Then I cashed in my V-chip. The whole time pinning after his love. Even after this emotionally exhausting and damaging relationship, I have used sexual encounters to soldify my need for a ‘soul filler’ and end up leaving feeling more empty then I was before…because sex does not, in my opinion, fill that void.
I get that there are confident, independent women who do not use intimacy as filler for emotional baggage/needs.
I am not one of those.
Perhaps a 17 year old can be one of those women who are not phased by the immediacy of sexual fulfillment to then be slammed with the deep emotional neglect it self-inflicts.
I don’t know even where to start….but it makes me very aware that as a woman…who preaches self-respect, love, upholding..I to have found myself (at a lesser degree) feeling like a 17 year old girl wanting a boy to like her.
Do we actually talk about sex on all the levels that need to be talked about?
Is it a ‘big deal’?
(I don’t care what your response is…I think it needs to be discussed though from all vantage points)