Do you live in the present to be a past-self?
When I was at the Vegan Wedding, I decided to have this photo taken of me.
I remember thinking the following:
- Wow I am tall
- I look silly
- I AM NOT AS FAT AS I THINK I AM
- I HAVE A GREAT BODY SCREAMING TO BE LET OUT
I am tall. 5’10” to be exact. I have weighed between 300+lbs to 168lbs+ in the past 10ish years. I am currently hovering around 200lbs+
What that photo really sparked in me was a desire..and TRUE DESIRE..to get fit. Now I have talked about this before and have never quiet seemed to get there. I would start with a hard and fast regime of working out to rebel against it and then quit. I have also struggled with food, bingeing, etc.
You see when I look at pictures of my past selves…..
I have realised that in my head I am either NOT wanting to be like I was …. OR trying to be like I was.
I don’t want to be the dieting, diet coke guzzling, sugar free eating 168lbs woman ever again . I’d like to fit back into the jeans I could…but to be honest..wanting to ‘be back where I was’ is stupid…but I AM NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE!
I also don’t want to be 300lbs again. Because I am NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE. My desire to shut out the world to shove food in my face is gone.
So..that leaves me with..what do I want to be?
My answer: Balanced.
My mantra is: Eat to satisfy, Work your body hard, Rest your body well.
You see I could throw up 160lbs weight goal, 30 mile runs per week etc. And I may, after I get some sleep into me, some fitness goals and some measurement goals…but NOTHING to do with weight or punishment. Our bodies want to love us..give us more than we could ever imagine..we have to sleep it, feed it, work it.
So…the wedding taught me something. I am NOT as bad as I thought I was. AND…. I don’t want to live in the present to be something that I was in the past.
What about you….how do you manage your goals for yourself? In the future, present or past comparison?
don’t forget about ‘The Silver Maple’ giveway. Gorgeous jewellery and it closes tomorrow morning!
Thanks for all of you how have e-mailed, FBed, g-chatted, Twittered and Blog commented about my going to hospital. Wasn’t all that scary, but it’s all sorted now.