In Love

I am literally exhausted. Like, peel my eye lids back to keep them open…exhausted.

But I just want to say that my spirit is alive. I was speaking with a former work friend and talked about how much I have learned in the past week. That if I am ever going to make it through this whole journey of recovery I HAVE TO TAKE TIME FOR MYSELF!

When I think back to the times that I would shovel food into my face, it would be because I wasn’t nurturing myself. Either I was blocking out emotions I didn’t want to deal with and/or I just simply wasn’t unwinding.

So, every time I felt like I ‘wanted food’ I asked myself if I was actually hungry…or hungry for ME TIME! Well, lunch rolled around..and I was HUNGRY! 2 slices of gf toast, 1/2 c. of baked beans, ~1/2 avocado

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HEAVEN! So good. Sustaining.

Then I went and talked with my friend. This is where I live, this is the road to his office. I live in an amazing place.

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The thing about Tom is that we go WAY back. Jan 2002. He’s in love. He’s head-over-heels in love. It just shows.

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It gets me thinking about how I was when I was my thinnest, that I was a spirit-zapped girl. Not nourished. Tom is someone who is very close to me and knows me quite well. He once said to me “Michelle, where did your spirit go?” He didn’t ask me why I had gained and/or lost weight. He just wanted the old Michelle-back. He really wanted me to start loving myself.
Today someone said to me today: ‘You look amazing’.
I had to stop myself from saying ‘Really, cause I haven’t lost any weight!’
I looked at her and said ‘Thank You!’

Tomorrow is 28 days. 4 weeks.

I am in love…in love with myself! Because I am learning to harness my spirit by nourishing it.

When do you feel most ‘in love’ with who you are?

~Mish

11 thoughts on “In Love

  1. Sarah says:

    Good morning, Mish! You know what, I just adore you! Thank you (thank you, thank you!) for being a part of my life. You are just amazing.
    These are two quotes (from you!) that I’m especially appreciating today:
    “I guess the only thing that I can say, perhaps I am off base with this comment, is that you can only live the life that you can, with God’s grace, with God’s strength and the knowledge that you are here for a reason. That reason, I KNOW, is not to feel inadequate by constant comparison. That reason is to feel adequate enough to harness those gifts and not feel embarrassed and/or scared to share them.”
    You are not off-base at all, as far as I can tell!
    Thank you so much for using some of your time to encourage, love, and share some of your sweet spirit with me. I’m so thankful for you, Mish! I’m really okay, but I did feel the need to share the kind of weeds I’ve been pulling lately.

    I also really appreciate this comment today: “When I think back to the times that I would shovel food into my face, it would be because I wasn’t nurturing myself.” The same could be said of me. When I’m not loving myself, I’m not taking care of myself. When I’m not taking care of myself, I’m hungry to fill that hole, and I try to do it with food.

    Right now? I’m walking toward loving myself. I’m nurturing myself. And I’m not binging. 🙂

  2. poiseinparma says:

    “But I just want to say that my spirit is alive.”

    I know exactly the feeling that you are talking about. It’s amazing, isn’t it?! Keep up the good fight.

  3. Amanda @ Amanda On Foot says:

    I’m so glad that you share these things with the rest of the world, myself included. It makes me that much stronger and braver to know I’m not the only who struggles with food sometimes.

    ~Amanda

  4. Megan @ Healthy Hoggin says:

    So glad that you are nourishing yourself– inside and out! You are such an inspiration, and I’m so excited for you that you’ve almost got 4 weeks under your belt!

    After a little slip-up myself, I’ve almost got one week under my belt… and I feel amazing already! I think feeling this good is contagious! 😀

  5. Kate says:

    I love myself most when I keep in mind that God made me with great care for a purpose that no one else on the earth can fill. When I listen to what He says about me, rather than what the world (or even I might) says about me, I know that He did something amazing 🙂

  6. missyrayn says:

    I love myself when I can spend time with a kid talking and they don’t focus on me and neither do I. They just tell me about their life and I can be the ears they don’t have at home.

  7. seattlerunnergirl says:

    I LOVE THIS POST! And I totally resonate with what you’re saying…or it resonates with me? Whatever. I am learning every day that I can love myself. And it feels absolutely amazing. Better than anyone else loving me has EVER felt, and that feels pretty darn good. And I’m loving myself not because I’m losing weight, or fit into a smaller size, or anything external/superficial. I’m loving myself because I am finally, for the first time, really discovering who I am. It’s amazing to know myself, to understand my needs, to trust my body…all of that has led to self-love for me.

    Congratulations on 28 days!

  8. Danielle says:

    It’s amazing how many aspects of our lives would improve – dramatically – if we all took the time to listen to ourselves and what we really want/need.

    I love myself most when I’m good to myself. When I’m eating good, nourishing, healthy foods and getting enough hydration. When I get a good night’s sleep and wake up beside the man I love. When I spend a night chatting – and laughing – with friends I know care about me as much as I care about them. And when I know that I’m living a life I’m proud of – and one that would make my family proud, too.

    I’m only 18 days into my conscious efforts to make every day a day I love myself most. It’s amazing how much we can change and improve in such a short span, eh?

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