Today is a big day!!!! Two Year Blog-Anniversary
I reflected on my First Anniversary
However today the only thing that I could honestly write was: content.
That’s how I honestly feel.
What has THIS YEAR been like?
- Running my first 8:38am mile
- Being covered by Jezebel
- Getting Into Nursing School
- Completing my First Triathlon
- Sobbing on A Couch
- Vegan for A Week
- Admitting My Secret
- Re-thinking and Re-claiming my whole life
- Running a 14.5km race–longest run ever!
- Celebrating 4 Years in Oz
- Amazing Guest Posts from all-around blog world
So what have I LEARNED THIS YEAR?
Oh My HEAVENS..where do I begin? So much. But I shall share this little bit with you. I went running this morning and it was hard going. I wanted to quit, but I kept thinking about running with MizFit in Vegas.
As I kept plowing through the running, I got to thinking about my blog. My blog started out when my ex-man told me that I should document my weight loss story. (I have mentioned this before). In many ways he was the spark of the binging and dark space that I have documented here, through the abrupt unmasking of some very deep insecurities I had. I have kept this in the forefront of my mind, and have given a great deal of my own personal energy in keeping the negative realities of our past relationship alive in my mind. As an excuse for my problems now.
I have been thinking A LOT about what I want my life to become. Re-working my thinking about life…but more importantly crafting the life I want to. Putting my sails out and going with the wind. BUT, I realised that during my run I have anchors that I have kept casted down…they’re slowing me down…keeping me stagnant.
My parents divorce
My ‘need for sugar’
My lack of sleep
My need for validation
My ex-man’s words
The anchors in my life have been given to me and others I have cast down. Afraid, partially, of what lingers past the mirage of the horizon, I have used them as excuses. I have crafted a simmering detest for him and what he put me through. What my parents put me though.
I realised that if I kept those anchors down, then I would be only punishing myself continually throughout my life for the past. I don’t want to simply cut the anchors’ strings and leave them on the ocean floor..running away from them.
I want to make peace with them. Offer my forgiveness and leave them on deck. Remove their power. Recognise, appreciate, move on. I whole-heartdley forgave me ex-man, my parents, my enemy in elementary school. ALL OF IT! More though, I forgave myself for dwelling for so long on the circumstances of it all–the past. I just let it all go.
As I pulled up those anchors some where harder than others, but I mustered the strength that I have built over this past year. As I mentally pulled them up I began to fully realise that I could actually sail with the wind life has been trying to put into my sails.
Thank you anchors.
Thank you for saying, doing, crippling me in ways.
Thank you for giving me the brute strength to pull you up and throw you on deck.
Thank you for letting me relish in the wind that’s in my sails.
More though..Michelle..be so proud of this moment, this year, all the pain, everything. Now go get a Margarita and bask in the breeze of life.
Thank you to each and EVERY SINGLE one of you who reads, comments, talks about, supports me. I adore, cherish and enjoy you more than you know.