I went shopping today …. I REALLY need new shoes. Like desperately! I mulled around the shops and found no new shoes at all. Then I went and grabbed some dresses to try on. Sometimes, even though I don’t have money, I sometimes try on clothes to feel special.
I grabbed at the size I used to be, instead of the size that I am right now. Hoping that I’d fit into that size. Well, I could…but it wasn’t flattering. Then the negative tapes started.
Of course you’re not that size Michelle, you’re fat right now.
You REALLY need to start losing weight.
If you’re on this journey, you should actually get something accomplished.
See…intuitive eating doesn’t work…you need to start dieting again!
Man did this ever send me into a funk-o-sarus. I am getting better at snapping myself out of it, but my mood simmered throughout the afternoon. I consoled myself by making a pie. I only had a couple of bites and realised something profound after playing a game of Taboo with my students.
THEY DON’T CARE!!!
In the sense that they don’t care if I lose 10, 15, 20 lbs or gain that. What they care about is having someone around them that exudes confidence, spirit, fun, honesty, genuineness, and undivided attention. I wanted to cry and hug each and every one of them. I know that throughout my journey, especially my relationship, I was SOLELY defined by my weight/struggles/losing weight/dieting/talking about it.
I wasn’t Michelle.
I was Michelle the dieter.
The world doesn’t need another diet-obsessed person.
The world needs another live-in-the-moment-shinning person.
To my kids…thank you for reminding me that I have the strength and ability to harness my whole-self.
Ever defined yourself by one aspect of your life?