My Kids Don’t Need Me To Diet

I went shopping today …. I REALLY need new shoes. Like desperately! I mulled around the shops and found no new shoes at all. Then I went and grabbed some dresses to try on. Sometimes, even though I don’t have money, I sometimes try on clothes to feel special.

I grabbed at the size I used to be, instead of the size that I am right now. Hoping that I’d fit into that size. Well, I could…but it wasn’t flattering. Then the negative tapes started.

Of course you’re not that size Michelle, you’re fat right now.
You REALLY need to start losing weight.
If you’re on this journey, you should actually get something accomplished.
See…intuitive eating doesn’t work…you need to start dieting again!

Man did this ever send me into a funk-o-sarus. I am getting better at snapping myself out of it, but my mood simmered throughout the afternoon. I consoled myself by making a pie. I only had a couple of bites and realised something profound after playing a game of Taboo with my students.


In the sense that they don’t care if I lose 10, 15, 20 lbs or gain that. What they care about is having someone around them that exudes confidence, spirit, fun, honesty, genuineness, and undivided attention. I wanted to cry and hug each and every one of them. I know that throughout my journey, especially my relationship, I was SOLELY defined by my weight/struggles/losing weight/dieting/talking about it.

I wasn’t Michelle.
I was Michelle the dieter.

The world doesn’t need another diet-obsessed person.
The world needs another live-in-the-moment-shinning person.

To my kids…thank you for reminding me that I have the strength and ability to harness my whole-self.

Ever defined yourself by one aspect of your life?


12 thoughts on “My Kids Don’t Need Me To Diet

  1. MrsFatass says:

    The world does NOT need another obsessed dieter. Or obsessed anything, really. I have allowed myself at times to be totally defined by my kids. I thought that was what I was supposed to do! I mean, I’m a mom! But I began to notice my friendships suffering. My relationship with TH was suffering. And I was suffering! Because I was losing myself.

    Loved the post.

  2. Julie Lost and Found says:

    This is a great post!

    Yes, I have defined myself by many things…and it was never just me, Julie. I have defined myself as a Christian homeschooling mom, as a businesswoman, a totally overwhelmed mother, and most recently, and quite destructively, I started to let my bipolar diagnosis define who I was..but I now realize it doesn’t.

    I’m learning, day by day, to BE and to LOVE “my authentic self”…what a process!

  3. Katie @ Health for the Whole Self says:

    SO TRUE!!! The truth is that 99% of the time we put all of the pressure on ourselves; those around us don’t care about our thighs nearly as much as we do. If only we could see ourselves through others’ eyes more often, we would be better able to keep that perspective – that our lives are not defined by our weight unless we make it that way. We have the power to change that!

  4. Sarah says:

    My kids have said to me, “Sarah, we don’t expect you to be perfect.” What a perspective-changer for me! I don’t even remember the context of that conversation, but I do remember those words!

  5. The e Black Kitteh says:

    Fantastic post. There are so many people in my life that I adore and cherish and their weight has NOTHING to do with it. I would not adore/cherish them more if they weighed less. However, I think people think less of me as my weight goes up. How f’d up is that? I just recently came across your blog and so enjoy it! Thanks for sharing!

  6. Kendra says:

    Confidence and the inner qualities seem to be the theme of the day on the blogosphere and man do I need to hear it. My confidence has really been suffering lately and I keep thinking it will get better when I’ve lost more weight but what a big pile of lies that is.

    Learning to love your authentic self is really hard work, especially when you aren’t really sure who your authentic self is.

  7. KCLAnderson (Karen) says:

    It’s so funny…I do the same thing…try on clothes just to see. And so many times in the past I’d walk out of the store feeling depressed. But not any more…in fact, now when I do it, if the clothes don’t look good, I turn it around and blame the clothes, not my body. πŸ™‚

    Anyway, I’ve said it before like 10 zillion times, but for most of my life I defined myself by my weight…whether high or low. I was either gaining or losing, or thinking about gaining or losing.

    So here’s to being “live-in-the-moment-shining people”!

  8. missyrayn says:

    I’ve been defining myself as Cynthia the runner lately and now that I’m injured I’m having a crisis. I just keep begging them to help me get back to running. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t. It took me a while to find running and now I have to find something else.

    But I asked a friend the other day and she said she just sees me as Cynthia and running is something I do not who I am.

  9. Shannon says:

    This is something that I have really thought about lately. I have been married 11 years and a mom for 16 guess what? The whole time I have been trying to lose weight on 1 diet or another and they are always there listening and supporting me. It has to be hell for them! You are so right Mish all they want is a present person who loves who they are. Someone to learn from and talk to.
    I love all of your posts but this one is so wonderful and so very important!
    You are amazing, twice this week you have really got me thinking. I am pondering what you have said and thank you for being there! XO

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