I Am Going To Stop Trying

I wrote the post last night.

I want to be skinny, thin, light, feel hot.

I am desperate to lose weight. I just want all of the inner-thigh fat to be gone, the muffin-top to disappear, my f-ing jeans that have been sitting in my closet for over 1 year not worn to fit again.

I want to feel pretty.

Cried.

Read this comment. From Karen

But in the end, I will have to quote Christie from one her recent blogs:

“The intention behind learning how to listen to your body shouldn’t be to lose weight. I just don’t believe that intuitive eating, and trying to lose weight go hand in hand. … The primary goal of intuitive eating is to change your relationship with food, exercise and your body.

Thought.

Slept.

I have to admit that as I continue on this intuitive eating journey the first thing that I want to do is figure out how to eat intuitively so that I can lose weight.

This whole time I have been thinking that while I intuitively eat, I wanted to really be doing this to lose weight.

Right now: I am still pseudo-dieting. I am still couting points. I am still wanting to lose weight.

What I have come to realise, is that this intuitive eating/life journey isn’t JUST about losing weight. It’s ACTUALLY (for me) about finding the balance and trust in my relationship with myself–which manifests in weight-eating-exercise-men-intimacy-school work. It’s about having a TRUE relationship with myself where I nurture myself and STOP trying to shove things through dieting filters.

As scary as this is to write and pound into my brain….I am going to stop trying to lose weight.

(break: need to cry and deal with a HUGE surge of emotions)

I am going to really focus on re-building and building a relationship with myself. Crazy.

How do you nurture your relationship with yourself?

~Mish

13 thoughts on “I Am Going To Stop Trying

  1. Ashley Solomon says:

    Thank you for such a raw and honest post. I think that giving up the struggle to lose weight can feel like a loss we need to grieve. We’re losing a part of our identity in a way, the identity of the person trying to be something other than ourselves, and losing an identity is painful. But it’s so worth it.

  2. Maria (realfitmama) says:

    I struggle with this often. I have a great relationship (most of the time) with my husband. I adore my kids and when it comes down to it – they prefer me over Daddy. Not that I’m bragging! I have begun to repair a long broken relationship with my parents and my relationship with the rest of my family has always been good.

    I don’t have a ton of friends seeing as the moment you are the one with kids and everyone else is kidless…friendships (sadly) tend to disappear.

    The relationship with me is the one I have put off until the end, but I’m beginning to reconnect with myself daily.

    Exercising for weight loss or weight loss maintenece is a great thing – yes, but that time is my “me time” as well. It’s my time to be alone with my thoughts. I can conversate with my self (in my head of course – I’m not THAT crazy) and get in touch with me.

    I have actually gotten to a place where I really like Maria (at least most of the time) and that feels really good. I like that I can like myself and weight, food, clothes, hair or whatever plays no part. I am getting more and more comfortable in my own skin because of this relationship and the fact that it isn’t dependent on anything other than who I am (not what I look like) makes all the difference.

    I’ve stopped weighing myself because I can wake up feeling great, happy, confident and then step on that scale and if it says a pound or two more than the last time all that good stuff goes away.

    I don’t need that in my life!!

    I truly believe, in the end, we all figure out what makes us tick and that’s when the relationship with ourself really takes off.

    P.S. I think you ROCK!!!

  3. Deb says:

    I just wanted to tell you that I think you are super brave, and I admire you for putting it all out there like this. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

  4. Jenn says:

    I don’t nurture myself. I pump myself up with compliments from others about the weight loss and I want more of that.

    Interesting, and as usual you’ve given me something to think about. I’ll be blogging about this soon.

  5. Caroline says:

    I don’t do a good job of nurturing my relationship with myself. I made a New Year’s Resolution in 2009 to put myself first for a change. Doing that ruined my marriage because my husband was not used to me ever doing anything for me. My next husband (if there ever is one) will have to know that is the way it will be from the begining.
    I think as women/wives/mothers we feel can’t worry about ourselves without upsetting those around us who expect to be taken care of. As a collective group, we need to change that! Your blog is helping many get one step closer. Thank you for that!

  6. rebekah (clarity in creation.) says:

    you go girl!!!

    the thing is – you can’t short-cut yourself. you CAN lose weight without loving yourself, but why? what’s the point of having a “better” body if you hate yourself?

    if you have a good relationship with yourself, you WILL love what you have. and if you love what you have, you will be motivated to nuture it and make it healthier and stronger.

    hang in there lovely!
    -r

  7. Marisa @Loser for Life says:

    I’ve stopped, too, Mish. It was a strange and very hard decision. But, as the wise Christie and Karen said, losing weight and changing your relationship with food can’t really go hand in hand. You have to be focusing on the food and becoming aware of how it affects your daily life. The intention behind cannot be losing weight. Those two ideas clash. However, I think, over time, when you really begin to listen to your body and its needs (which doesn’t usually include brownies, but I often thought it did 😉 ), I think it’s possible for your weight to level off to its natural place. It may not be “skinny”, but it will be what is right for you. 🙂

    I applaud you for moving in this direction. I’ve been happier than ever since I made the decision and I’m getting better at trusting myself every day 🙂

    • Mish says:

      First of all..thank you for sharing that. It means a lot to me, because I have followed your journey as well. It gives me hope and fire to keep on keepin’ on!

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