I was asked by Ryan today how I was going on Twitter.
My response: ‘Today was as rough as gravel’
I binged today.
I knew the whole time that I was doing it.
I earlier had a great conversation with Christie on skype, praising how far I had come..and then my day got away from me. My last three and a half weeks have gotten away from me. I have let my life drag me a long. I have turned into an un-focused, sugar craving, release needing, snappy woman.
I am not LIVING in my life.
I am not here to outline my master plan to bring the spunk back into my life. I have done that before. I am actually here to say I crashed and burned today. I hit the gravel hard and I’ve got scraped knees and stinging hands.
However, I know why!
I am NOT taking care of myself. Nurturing myself. Honrouing myself.
I am trying to avoid the chaos and demands of my life. I am ‘scared’ of what I have to deal with and afraid that I can’t do it. So I release this mental chatter with binges. With snapping back. With wanting to go back on a diet. Forgetting to just get shit done.
Perhaps you’ve gone through this before. Maybe you haven’t. I got so angry with the way that I acted tonight that I threw my shoes at the wall and screamed. I had to let it out.
I won’t give up. Never. I will keep demanding that I face this, pick up my shoes and move on.
More importantly, I AM starting to demanding that I put my life at a pace I can manage, doing things for myself, and offering kindness to who I am.
Thank you for slogging through with me this week..you are all an amazing support and give me wings/grace/drive when I don’t think I have any left.
When you throw ‘your shoes against a wall’, what makes you go and pick them up?