Finish Line v. Journey State

There have been so many times when I have said to myself ‘AM I THERE YET?”

In fact, I have pretty much lived my life to cross some sort of ‘Finish Line’. Where if I got there then I would have something to say for myself. In these focused moments, I have forgotten about the journey!

If I get to 168lbs then I’d be happy again.

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I was looking through these pictures the other day and I was 168lbs. I was miserable. Getting, crossing the ‘finish line’ with my weight never got me where I actually wanted to be…happy.

If I just let God have all my binging troubles, then I’d be cured.

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When I got baptised, I cried. I was ready to hand ALL of my problems over to God. To be cured! I have been thinking about this a lot, the notion of ‘handing it over to God. I actually don’t think it’s that easy. I think that in order to hand over your problems to God, you have to be open to the pain you’re experiencing, to be willing to work through it, and use your spiritual faith to give you wings. It’s not just about handing it over.

If I stop eating sugar/ice cream/chocolate then I’ll stop binging.

Again, it’s NOT about food, it’s about the emotions behind them. I can’t TELL you how many times I have tried to stop eating sugar, to then binge on it.

If I start tomorrow, then I PROMISE that I’ll be good and on my way.

Wanna know how many tomorrows I have had?

If I train for a 1/2 marathon, 10km, do ‘Body for Life…then I’ll finally feel fit, happy and skinny.

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Although, I look happy in this pictures (I am throw a smile on), I didn’t train and was running to be skinny. I have tried to train for a 1/2 marathon numerous times..as well as ‘Body for Life’. When doing anything to be skinny…you will never get there. It has to be for other reasons, at least for me. If I am doing it to be skinny…I always rebel, because I don’t want to have to deprive myself and force myself to do something to be skinny.

If I start this diet…then I’ll FINALLY be where I want to be.

SO…..I have been trying to be ‘perfect’ with my diet. Tracking everything, even when I had a big night on Friday. Cutting back my calories, working out, and trying not to binge out of stress or let it go because I have had nothing

Nope. You wont.

I have lived SO much of my life for the ‘THERE’ or ‘FINISH LINE’ that I have forgotten to enjoy the journey. AND really, have pretty much given up every single time because IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FINISH LINE.

In this whole intuitive eating/living revelation….something has hit me: Is the idea of a ‘Journey State’.

Journey State: the state at which you want to travel/run/walk/skip/live through life.

The finish line is boring. It’s stagnant.
A Journey State is exciting, changing, forever.

So, what’s you’re Journey State like?

~Mish

23 thoughts on “Finish Line v. Journey State

  1. karla says:

    I was the same, I will be happy when I am skinny… blah blah blah. It’s funny now I am having a hard time seeing myself as a size 10. When I was crammed into my 18’s I felt my life would be good when I was thin. I am the same person, but different. It is so nice not to obsess over EVERYTHING being about me being overweight!!! sheesh enough already!!! life is happening and I am enjoying it, oh well I waited this long to lose it, oh well. I feel great and am loving life!!

  2. Miz says:

    running to be skinny.

    running from something

    I may never be a running but I was a trainer long enough to know youre right—it never works

    • Mish says:

      yep. never works. but I am going to blog abt. how much I enjoyed running today..when I stopped comparing and just let my body run.

  3. Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul says:

    I struggle with focusing on the journey rather than the destination on an almost daily basis. I notice it even in the small things – which is where I need to start I think. I’m trying to concentrate on enjoying the little pleasures – cooking rather than the end meal, for instance. Writing rather than the final post. Designing rather than the finished room. But my mind constantly goes to wanting the complete, pretty package. I like the phrase “the finish line is stagnant.” So true.

  4. Lindsay says:

    Wow your blog is such a breath of fresh air for me. I read many blogs where everyone seems to have it all “figured out.” I agree that it needs to be about the journey and not just crossing the finish line. That is a big problem for me. I am always thinking about how far I am from the finish line. Personally, I’ve gained and lost and gained and lost before and it’s miserable. Knowing where you once were and let it go is what bothers me most. I know what I felt like when I was thinner and loved it. I might have been more insecure (focusing so much on food and losing weight started to drive me crazy), but I could just throw on whatever and knew I looked okay.

    Reading your blog is such motivation to truly eat healthy. That’s what my ideas are all about.. finding a balance. I don’t want to deprive myself, but I want to fill plates with fruits and veggies daily.

    =)

    • Mish says:

      There have been heaps of blogs where I am like…do they EVER struggle? “I read many blogs where everyone seems to have it all “figured out.”” Man oh man, that is why I still plow through my life when blogging seems too much..cause I want to not only prove to myself. BUT I want to be able to show people that you can make it through. Keep going and remember it’s balance with food..BALANCE. 🙂

  5. Katie @ Health for the Whole Self says:

    I think the reason I struggle to live in the Journey State you’re talking about – and instead focus solely on the finish line – is because I’m constantly feeling unsatisfied, discontent, wanting MORE. But more of what? The fact is that I don’t have to wait for a wonderful life because I have a wonderful life RIGHT NOW. It isn’t perfect, but it never will be…and I honestly wouldn’t want it to be! What I want is actually what I already have – and it’s high time I start focusing more on that. Great post! 🙂

    • Mish says:

      I think, for me, that I am addicted to the idea of needing more. MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. If it’s not food, then it’s money, if it’s not money, then it’s better grades, faster running time. It’s still a manifestation of trying to escape or fix something for myself…so yeah..I TOTALLY get what you’re saying.

  6. Cynthia (It All Changes) says:

    The hardest part for me was realizing I wasn’t healthy at Goal and I needed to change how I saw myself so I could change how I treated myself.

    My journey is learning that not all things are good for me even if in moderation or healthy. Learning that I am okay to deal with things in my past instead of suppressing them and leading to more unhealthy behavior.

    It’s okay to be me and constantly grow. I’d get really bored if this was the end and I was miserable.

    I need to learn to just be me growth, faults and all.

    • Mish says:

      I totally understand. I love this. It’s amazing when I look at pictures of myself at ‘goal’ and I think to myself..you are FILLED with pain.

  7. marzipan says:

    Sometimes, when I’m reading your blog, I just wanna run/swim/sputter/swim/run on over to your side of the world and scoop you up. First – you are such a total hottie, exactly as you are, right now, today, this instant, don’t let the prospect of 168 hold you down. Second – you’re human. Body image lows and bingeing (when you’re prone to it) come and go, even as we do our best to fight it. I still struggle with both, and its effing HARD when you get swept into a total tailspin, only to be spit out sad/uncomfortablyfull/freakedout. But you are seriously so very wonderful, and I’ll come back here and tell you everyday if you’d like. xoxoxox.

  8. Julie says:

    I don’t think that being skinny is a good enough reason to stick with a strict diet and exercise plan. I think it’s because deep down, that reason is to vain to be worth all the work and motivation that eating well and exercising regularly require.

    From all the blogs I have been reading this year about “healthiness” I have learned that the people who find the most success are the people that do it because they want to be healthy. They want to take care of themselves. They respect their bodies enough to know that their bodies deserve healthy food and the benefits that come from exercise. They don’t “self objectify” as MizFit would say and eat less so that they will finally accept their body. They already have accepted and loved their body for being what it is, and now they want to take care of it since it deserves to be taken care of. Being thin (for them) is a bi-product of the lifestyle changes that come from taking good care of oneself.

    I hope you can accept and love yourself as you are and not dream of fitting in to your smaller clothes. As long as you are being healthy and doing right by your body, you should not feel bad about the size that you’re wearing (I know that it’s easier said than done.)

    • Mish says:

      “From all the blogs I have been reading this year about “healthiness” I have learned that the people who find the most success are the people that do it because they want to be healthy. They want to take care of themselves.” — I totally agree with you. I think, though, that the definition of ‘healthy’ is very subjective. When I was dieting I thought that I was being super healthy. Keeping my calories to 1100/day and running at least 30 minutes 6x/week. It’s interesting how the definition of healthy changes overtime. I love and adore Miz and she had been someone who had helped me dig myself out of the trenches.

      • Julie says:

        Yes, I’m not arguing that you weren’t being healthy. I’m saying you were doing it for the wrong reasons and that is why you didn’t have long-term success.

  9. wendy says:

    I have been reading your blog for awhile now. Our struggles with binge eating are very similiar…I share a lot of the same feelings that you describe.

    I suppose in a way I only became really focused on my weight when I started losing it. I had always been the taller, heavier person among my friends. I decided in my mid-20s that I wanted to lose weight – I was tired of feeling self-conscious, hiding myself in shame or losing out on activities because I was worried of what others might think of me. And so began my weight loss journey. I was successful in weight loss, which I attribute to changing the foods and portion sizes that I ate and exercising regularly. Although looking back, I was never successful in identifying that I was (or am) a binge eater. In fact, I would save calories to binge – I gave myself permission because I had been good that week, it was a reward to me.

    While there’s no denying that weight loss did allow me to shed many layers…literally and metaphorically speaking, it did not and will not ‘fix’ whatever is missing. When I take weight loss out of the equation, I have come to understand that excessive amounts of food won’t fill the void – and neither will excessive calorie cutting.

    Of course everyone’s journey is different and I believe there is no straight forward answer to finding the happy place. I hope that you feel even just a tiny bit comforted in knowing that there’s somebody out there that gets it.

    • Mish says:

      “While there’s no denying that weight loss did allow me to shed many layers…literally and metaphorically speaking, it did not and will not ‘fix’ whatever is missing. When I take weight loss out of the equation, I have come to understand that excessive amounts of food won’t fill the void – and neither will excessive calorie cutting.” — LOVE IT. Isn’t it interesting that when you start looking at your weigh and losing it…it becomes the HUGE focus of your life? I remember a good friend of mine who has known me at 250 and 168lbs said to me ‘Michelle, where you’re spirit?’ I have found that throughout this whole process of losing, binging, finding myself..the one thing that I lost the most..was my spirit.

  10. Sarah says:

    I was thinking about my own journey today (that’s a funny intro because I think about it probably every day) and how I’m “feeling fat” lately, and I wonder what the scale will say, and then I thought, “does it REALLY matter?” Nobody but me truly cares about how many pounds I carry around. They care about whether I listened, whether I did something really fun and spontaneous with them, whether I love them (in word and in deed).
    All that to say, a big AMEN to this post, Sistah!

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