I have often woken up, as I’m living in Australia, to the horror of American headline news.
Sandyhook (I sobbed for hours)
Australian baseball player killed because the kids (shooters) were bored
My first response was absolutely a deep sigh of relief. Thank GOD no more kids were killed. No more little kids starting their school year and the panicked teachers going through the hell and terror of having to deal with the evacuation they had prepped and trained for…but hoped to God they never would have to do.
Then I watched the video of her interview (this is a shortened version)
then I cried.
I remember, in the absolute depths of hell after a break-up feeling like the world was a dark, cold, alone place. Where, although I never had suicidal thoughts, that shear amount of strength it took to not loose my s–t every.single.day was amazing and difficult. I started to binge and I retreated. Daily tasks were exhausting.
I can remember walking home from shopping, the one thing I felt I had to look forward to all day, and sobbed as I rounded the corner to my house…because I felt like I had nothing..and I mean nothing else to live for.
I craved validation. I craved light. I craved relationships. I craved something saying to me ‘it’s gonna be ok. I craved a heart that would listen to it.
What is so profoundly simple is that she didn’t stop him from shooting by offering ransom, or tackling, or shooting him. She offered what he needed.
Unwavering, unabashed, simple grace. understanding. compassion. humanity.
I cried because I knew how desperate she would have felt. (being a former educator, I can’t imagine) I cried because she is a woman of deep faith and the connection that some of us feel with our faith is what we know drives us. I cried because it demonstrates to me that so many of us want, desire, yearn for what stopped him…someone to share, listen, and comfort.
I know that mental health issues bathe this story and medication and all that. But, strip it all back. It really is simple and it’s something I have to constantly remind myself of every.single.day. Show grace Michelle, show it. Because there are A LOT of us who need it.