Forsaken

My sister has been there through it all.

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We are SO different. She knows how to put make-up on, curl her hair and decorate like a boss.

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I’m still struggling to put eye liner on and 85% of the time I’m putting on my mascara as I’m driving to work. I’m a pro at putting it on when the light is red. We approach life very differently and yet we are THERE when either of us need it. We do have a thing about dressing up our unsuspecting animals…well my sister is better at this.

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When snot drips, tears flow, organising presents via skype for family members, picking me up when I fly home….we’ve got eachother’s backs. I send her new music from Australia so that she can pretend that she’s ahead of the game. Then she can rub it into her friend’s faces that she knew about them a month before because her cool sister tipped her off. (this happened with LORDE)

This is true for a handful of damn.good.friends…for which I am thankful every.single.day that I have in my life. (my friend Bekky tipped me off on Adele..amen)

I was speaking with one of my girls recently about my angst with everything…namely feeling restless with my career and feeling as though things weren’t happening fast enough..and feeling burnt out..tired..exhausted…overwhelmed. I’m not complaining, just stating. These are my own issues…they’re all our own issues.

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Then she said something to me “Michelle, you know that you won’t be forsaken!”

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I’m a baby Christian and I have had moments where I have felt that there was a divide between God and I. That God was there when the great was coasting along, and there to pick me up when s–t felt like it was hitting the fan. I have struggled with seeing my faith as a partnership and realising that I won’t be forsaken. It didn’t come from a place of hurt, frustration or anything other then my ability to fully open my heart and trust.

Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Deuteronomy 31:6

I have read and re-read certain passages of the Bible. I’ve heard the talks on this. I’ve probably even talked about it with friends…how I felt connected to my faith. But it’s more than that for me. It’s deeper. More holistic. It’s the deep down in your gut feeling that even when s–t is hitting the fan, and things aren’t going how YOU thought they should be going or that you’re feeling alone..you won’t be forsaken. ever.

So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you, he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. 1Peter 5:6-7

Content? Yeah, right! I may forever struggle with the notion of being content…but I’m learning that I can be content with my lack of content. Is that possible? This new sentiment for me, is that I won’t be forsaken. I won’t be left hanging when I feel like ‘my brain is going to fly off of my body and hit the wall’. I’m able to pick myself up quicker now, knowing that the emotions I’m feeling aren’t going to be forever and that truly I’m not alone in this. re-focus. move on.

Oftentimes I’ve wondered why I feel so struggle ridden with food, body image, etc. WHY ME?@?@?@?@! But…in the midst of shaking my big fist towards God for giving me the ‘short straw’…I am coming back to the idea that I’m not going to be this way forever. Focusing on my faith, more importantly my relationship with my creator, I know that I able to move beyond anxious consuming emotions.

I know that I won’t be forsaken. ever.

Mish xo

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