I saw this today from Mara (her ‘Hello Wonderful’ daily e-mails..fabulous!)
self-love doesn’t mean that everything is going to be pretty and pulled together all of the time. It doesn’t mean that you wake up in the magical land of luxuriating in your own perfection 24/7.
It can be messy. It can be ugly. There will be tears.
I’ve lost 100lbs.
Sometimes I forget how I’ve done it. Sometimes I forget how much of an accomplishment it is. Sometimes I forget how hard it’s been. Sometimes all I focus on is how much more I want to still loose.
In the past three years, since I’ve stepped away from EatingJourney, I’ve had a host of other blogs. Other places where I’ve mused about how I have acquired, struggled through and daily deal with a binge eating disorder which consumed a good part of my life a couple of years ago.
I have to ADMIT, to you, that I have struggled with the whole ‘wedding get fit’ brain. It brings up a hell-of-a-lot of old stuff that I’ve had to deal with due to past relationships and being obsessed, at times, with my weight..and my weight alone.
The reason I’ve kept it off…because there is something deep down in my heart that is able to put myself first when if feels like I can’t. There’s a quite little voice deep down that helps me bring everything back to focus when I’ve had two weeks of binging, or a day of old tapes, or the voice of irrationality in my head.
I haven’t kept it off out of fear, because I’ve done that and it doesn’t work.
I haven’t kept it off because Andrew says he wants me to be thin, because he hasn’t ever said that.
I haven’t kept it off because I want to make someone proud of me..I’ve tried that with former boyfriends and family members..it just leads to guilt.
I haven’t kept it off because of guilt, because that also doesn’t work.
I have resounded to the simple fact that to loose weight you MUST decide to put yourself first.
Too many of us are walking around the world thinking that we aren’t “doing it right” when we get angry and frustrated with ourselves or speak to ourselves cruelly.
You will have hard days. You might even have hard months or years. Things happen.
Self-love is the practice of sticking with yourself – no matter what – even when (and especially when) things aren’t working out as you’d like them to.
I have dieted myself down to a less weight than I am right now. I have. In fact I wrote about it. I wrote about it the day after I proclaimed five years ago that I was only going to drink diet coke and eat jello. That is when I lost myself. It’s taken me almost five years to realise that diets do work. Loosing weight is simple. Less in, more out. It’s a VERY simple concept. But, it ONLY works when you decide to put yourself first. Rarely do other tactics (guilt, shame, obsession, other people) really bring you happiness, prolonged or sustainable change. I know. I gained 30lbs in one year, because after I had starved myself skinny, he left, and I was left with an hungry obsession for self-love.
Yes, I’ve lost 100lbs and kept it off.
I’m becoming more and more grateful, appreciative and understanding of the fact that you can choose to loose weight, be healthy, exercise and enjoy life. But it does require you to love yourself before you start, in the midst, and when you get to ‘goal.’ Don’t loose yourself to obsession, instead gain a confidence in who you are. That’s where the key lies.