Resting in Food {part 2}

Yesterday I wrote about the idea of REST {part1}…..

….now how did that HIT me over.the.head?

Mara was talking on the video and she said something related to the idea of food and rest.

FOOD and REST
food AND rest
REST and FOOD
rest AND food

BAM.over.the.head

I have used FOOD as my rest. I have gone to food to rest for I don’t even know how long. It’s how I got through two Master’s Degrees in four years. It’s how I survived moving five times in two years. It’s how I survived quitting my job. It’s how I survived a horrible break-up.

….but I wouldn’t even say that survived is the right word.

I denied myself rest, because I felt that I had to keep going / had to keep doing / had to try and prove my worth / had to tick boxes.

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I didn’t rest, because I didn’t know how to rest….but I did know how to eat. I have lost 100lbs and for the most part have kept a vast majority of it off, because I DON’T want to ‘go back there’ again. But the more that I’ve mulled over that video, I realise that perhaps I have always set myself up for failure with dieting, controlled eating and even intuitive eating…because I have NEVER gotten my head around the idea that I use food to keep myself going, when really I just need to rest.

It’s NO WONDER why, when I start a new diet, calorie counting, paleo regime…I fail within a week…because really I’m just tired. The exhaustion of trying to define and control how I eat adds to the already overwhelming feeling of tired…and it just spirals into bread, cookies, cakes and ice cream. Because that is where I’ve gone ‘when it’s all too much’.

Maybe it sounds like I’m bitching and moaning…and I can hear from the rafters “THEN GO TO SLEEP WOMAN!” and to them I say..I know.I know.I know. But for me it was something that I had to admit to my heart…and give space to ACCEPT the truth…I’m tired physically…I’m tired emotionally…I’m tired spiritually…BUT I am ready to rest and re-align myself.

Mara and Christie talked a lot about what rest meant: the realigning of your core by doing things which bring balance to one holistically.

It’s my discovery process. What brings about balance and re-alignment?

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I’m excited to be confident in ‘waving the white flag’ and acknowledging that I’ve done my bit and now it’s rest time. I’m also very very very in tune with the idea that I no long have to acknowledge food as my rest. This is a huge change for me and it has taken a lot of hard, messy, snot-filled, a-ha moments to sort out what this all has meant for me.

I challenge you to really look at yourself. Are you tired? Do you need rest? How do you find rest? If you’re not coping with resting..why not?

~Mish

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