Panicking: what my brother taught me

America has been such a great trip. WAY too fast. I’m sitting in LAX (quite possibly the worst airport in the world) but I’m grateful.

I went to my little brother’s football game…his last at home game as a Senior. I cried when he walked out for recognition. Too precious really. His team is 7-0 and in line for a potential good shot at being champions. Lots of pressure, yet lots of fun.

I asked him “what do you think about on the field? Are you nervous, pissed, excited?”
He said “nah, I’m super calm….I’m the zone.”

America has been super fabulous for me. I’ve really dove in to the idea of intuitively eating. I over ate, how the hell can you not with the serving sizes here? But, I’ve learned and reflect on something valuable “I’m driven by panic about my weight and fear that I can’t ever loose it. That I’m doomed. I’m in a constant state of trying to put out the panic fires I build. I’m never in the zone.”

————-

I wrote this earlier today:

It’s dawned on me that it’s not about weight. It’s really about how I eat, how I move and how I sleep. My weight, my size, my energy level is the direct result (or lack there of) of self care. Instead of focusing in it as the medium for which worth and value come from. It’s more about creating a lifestyle, self worth and relationship with myself whereby my weight is a direct reflection of health, energy and honouring my relationship with myself and my body.

A relationship with food (addressing binging, letting go if old tapes, using the fabulous Recovery Road app, and focusing on food which gives me energy), faith, my body image (reflection, prayer, mantras) and moving (creating sustainable and consistent patterns of exercise I enjoy).

It’s not necessarily about or not not about calorie counting. It’s not necessarily about sitting on my ass or flogging myself running miles I don’t enjoy.

I think it’s more about silencing everything and finding “the zone”, that place where you’re unflappable, focused and unwavering in our own journey in forming relationship, connection and honour of our while body.

I think that my brother was right, you’ve gotta find your “in the zone” and learn to not panic.

Mish

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