I am the FIRST to admit, I’m a critical person.
I’m critical of myself.
I’m critical of others.
I’m critical of work.
I’m critical of how Andrew mops the floor (which I kinda have a leg to stand on…I digress)
I don’t think that ‘having a critical eye’ is can always be a bad thing. I’ll find the mis-matched margins and spacing in a word document. I’m usually the first person who finds the spelling error or the wrong use of They’re/Their/There … it’s just how my brain works. ‘Keep a watchful eye!’ on things.
I can read through policy and quickly raise questions as to how it doesn’t make sense, isn’t clear enough, should be re-worded. Look at forms and offer instant suggestions which oftentimes were overlooked. I just am that type of person.
Being critical can be exhausting.
I have spent a good majority of my 20s being critical of myself. I became critical, nit-picky, exhaustive of myself.
Wanting to change is one thing which isn’t inherntley bad.
Picking yourself apart is a dangerous and destructive pattern we can often slid into when we want to change.
I have spent the past four years trying and succeeding at unwinding the critical bunny instead of me that gnaws away at the roots of positivity and acceptance I foster. It’s been a long hard slog sometimes and there have been times when I’ve REALLLLLYYYYY wanted to give up. There are times when I’ve back slid into a horrible mental space, drowned it all down with ice cream only to have Andrew come home finding me a hormonal, over-carbed, sugar stoned, sobbing wife needing affirmation for an issue that isn’t his….mess!
I’ve also struggled with finding the balance between ‘wanting to change AND doing that from a place of self-love.’ I have. They don’t seem congruent in my head. How can you change and love yourself? Isn’t it about appeasing the critical area you need to work on?
For so long this didn’t work for me: (Change + Self-love) – negative critical ways = happy solid sustainable change.
I’ve always equated change with an outward appeasement of an inward critical tape. It’s never been from self-love. It’s been from meeting a critical thought.
I really don’t want to put this baby on a pedestal, but I shall for a minute. As a totally unexpected plan changer in our lives…it has been a blessing. I spent the first 20 weeks doing what I wanted. I ate pretty much what I wanted and didn’t do stacks of exercise. I gave myself permission to move past the critical grind and just go with it. You have to.
And now I’m going with it even more. I can feel the panic that used to wash over me lessen. I can feel the desire to eat in different ways rise with the tide of self love AND change being the motivating factor….the critical aspect isn’t there. I can see the way I love Andrew change. I can see the way I HOLD my belly and feel it kick and smile in awe of the life we’ve created. I can feel my body relaxing when I’m being cuddled, instead of pulling away or shoving my stomach into the mattress I let it be where it is.
In what ways are you tempted to collapse into the negative?
I feel it’s much more interesting to focus on and magnify the positive. You can use a magnifying glass. The negative is still there — it’s jus that the spotlight is on the positive. ~SARK “Wild Succulent Women”
It is possible to change AND harness self-love. I think that finding the ‘altitude’ in life is where I’ve always wanted to fly.