When I first found out that I was pregnant, I KNEW it was a girl. In fact, when we decided names I pretty much was only sold on the girls name. We had a boys name, but it never felt real when I said “this is the name we’re gonna call the little one if it’s a boy.” I just knew it was a girl.
I also felt very overwhelmed with the idea of having a girl. I felt like I could screw her up more than if I had a boy. I could more easily put my own issues on her, and I really didn’t want to do that. To be honest I still hold onto that little bit of fear that somehow I will never get to a place of peace and she will suffer due to my own hang-ups.
But I do not feel as debilitated by that notion any more. I think it comes from a deep place, of which I’ve talked about here, to overcome these issues. For me it really begins in what I worship, what I’m obedient to, how I spend my mental energy.
Sweet friends, we need to define ourselves by our obedience, not a number on the scale ~Made to Crave
To me that obidence is one that focuses on my thoughts, my connection to my faith, my daily quiet prayers, the words which come out of my mouth, how I carry myself as a woman, how much effort I put into my marriage. It’s the types of food I put into my body, being attune to motivation other than health and how I expend my energy. I do not want to get caught up in trying to be obedient solely to God. I do think that the obedience is a holistic approach which ultimately fosters and connects me with my faith, but to me it isn’t so one dimensional.
What surprises me most, is that by having my daughter I feel as though my sole is finally finding it’s wings that it’s so longed to have found.
Somewhere between the extremes lies the beauty of listening, being obedient to our thoughts/actions/faith connection. That is what I’d really want for her. I’d want her to be attuned to her own sense of self, her relationships around her, and if she chooses faith…to her creator.